On creating an original character. Part 1

Hello, hello, this is Dr. (_____) coming to you live from the real world to waste your time and other fashionable stuff, and present you with my own guide to character creation, because some people (you know who you are, just think about where your reading this.) just can't seem to get the hang of making characters that are actually distinct from pre-existing characters! Which is baffling, because it's not hard at all. actually I shouldn't say that since apparently It IS very hard to do something original. But enough vague accusations. Lets move on to the meat of today's post: Dr. (_____)'s guide to character creation!

Step zero: So you want your own original character:
Good for you, you've just joined the ranks of countless other artists and writers who want to make their very own creation! You've also just opened up a big can of worms, some good, some bad.

The good news: You do this right and you'll have a core around which to build your very own stories rather than just using the characters someone else made up. A huge step up, you'll no doubt agree.

The bad news: It's not always an easy thing. which is where this guide come in with some basic dos, and some basic don'ts (which a lot of people ignore. again you know who you are, and if you don't? Shame on you.)

Step one: The basic concept:
This is where most people make their first mistake, usually because they've never done something original before they decide to draw "inspiration" from pre-existing characters.

Say for example you're a Sonic fan, and want to create a fan character to write about. You've no idea where to start so you might just go "He's like sonic, but..."

Problem. If your "new" character is so identical to sonic that you need only list the one or two things that make him "different", exactly how original is that character, really? If your being honest you'll realise that it isn't. And no, adding more and more stuff after the "but" will not get you away from that. The only way to get away from the unoriginality is to drop the "like sonic" bit entirely.

so what now?

Well... look at the basic concept for Sonic himself. "A blue semi-anthropomorphic hedgehog who can run at the speed of sound and battles evil." It's short, simple, and describes his basic appearance , powers, and character. Countless iconic characters start off from similarly concise and descriptive statements.

Thus if you want to create your own original fan character you might start off with something similar. Like oh I don't know... "A young green hedgehog wearing a scarf wishes to surpass Sonic in every way, and keeps getting in his way." There a new hedgehog character described in simple terms, which is not only a different colour, but age and appearance too. Sure its still another hedgehog, but he is not JUST "like sonic but"

(Disclaimer: Given the amount of fan-works concerning sonic, I feel it necessary to say, on the off chance that I have described someone else's character, I assure you that I was unaware of their existence and did so unintentionally.)

Step 2: Characterisation:
Okay. You've got your basic idea, so now its time to move on to fleshing out the details. No I don't just mean a long excruciatingly detailed back story. That is actually the opposite of what I mean. Think about "Dirty" Harry Callahan, of the Dirty Harry movie. We know next to nothing about his personal history, why he has issues with authority. What we get instead is a character so iconic that it helped spawn the renegade cop archetype.

Writing ten pages of a character biography doesn't automatically make a character interesting. History is only a part of characterisation, and it's always important to recognise that you have to pick the proper time and place to reveal it. Do it in the wrong place and you'll just bore your audience or bog down a story with details. Which is generally why we either only learn bits and pieces of a characters history, or get a full blown prequel to explain it all. Make a story out of it.

Long story short, when creating a character its important to first focus on how the audience sees the character in the "present" and THEN think about divulging the characters past to them.

Lets go back to that sonic character I made up in step one. Lets call him Groove, which is something I just picked from a list of racing terms.

Groove is young, hyper-actively upbeat, and practically bursting with enthusiasm for pretty much everything in the world. He constantly rushes into trying to solve problems, frequently not sticking around long enough to have them properly explained to him, though its easy enough to keep him out of the way, just make up something for him to do and watch him go to it.

There you go, a good start to some original characterisation. The character will of course change and grow during the course of any stories he's involved in, that's what characters do, but for now you have a snapshot of how he is "right now" and I haven't bored you to tears with the character's life story before you even begin to care about him.

And that's it for part 1, stay tuned boys and girls for part 2.

Coming Out Part Deux: Sticking It To the People Who Want You To Die

Okay.

When LGBT people come out, whether on National Coming Out Day or otherwise, and whether to the public or just a handful of individuals, it's always a brave act in some respect or another, because there's always at least a little risk involved in coming out. The risks involved vary, depending on things like the age of the person and/or their peers, where they live, whether they directly depend on other people financially, whether there are anti-discrimination ordinances in place, etc. Even when all these things are most ideal, there is still risk. I mentioned that now is a better time for me to come out than it would've been ten years ago.

Why?

Three words: “bigotry” and “high school”.

In the US, kids who come out as LGBT while they're still in school have to deal with a lot of shit. In 2009, it was found that 9 out of 10 LGBT students experienced harassment at school because they were LGBT, ranging from exposure to frequent homophobic/transphobic language (7 out of 10) to physical assault (almost 2 out of 10). Many times, the school faculty don't do anything about it, even if it's reported, and sometimes even when sexual orientation or gender identity are listed as protected classes in the schools' anti-discrimination policies. Sometimes they take part in it.

Of course, coming out has positive repercussions as well as negative ones, and the increased wellness and self-esteem that the She-Elf mentioned in her last article remain true for students as well as adults who choose not to hide their sexual orientation or gender identity, even if incidents of harassment increase with it. It helps that in better scenarios, these kids have a support group they can turn to, whether friends or family, school faculty, state or national organizations, or student-run groups such as a Gay-Straight Alliance.

But even with this support, these kids still have to deal with bigotry against them just because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. From their fellow students, from faculty and staff, from the government, from religious institutions – people who want to force the LGBT back into the closet so that they won't have to be reminded that there are people out there who aren't heteronormative. Sometimes with lethal consequences.

Within the last month alone, eleven teenagers killed themselves as a result of bullying, harassment, and discrimination because of their gender identity or sexual orientation. On September 13th, Cody Walker, then Billy Lucas on the 14th. Then came Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Tyler Clementi, and Raymond Chase on the 28th and 29th (as well as Tyler Wilson who is still alive and well, but had his arm broken by bullies because he joined the cheerleading squad, an act that isn't LGBT per se, but certainly defies gender norms enough to enrage some bigoted bullies).

I hoped October meant things would be better, but then came Jeanine Blanchette and Chantal Dube, who died together on October 4th, Zach Harington on the 10th, and Ayishia Hassan only yesterday, as well as the report about Chloey Lacey.

And those are just the victims that were reported in two news blogs. How many more are there out there? How many more tomorrow?

The National Center for Transgender Equality, along with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force recently released this year's National Transgender Discrimination Survey, which showed that despite a national average of attempted suicides of 1.6%, attempted suicide rates of transgender students was at 41%. Half of transgender kids attempted suicide when they experienced harassment at school, as well as “...59 percent for those harassed or bullied by teachers, 76 percent among those who were physically assaulted by teachers and 69 percent among those who were sexually assaulted by teachers.”

And the bigots aren't sorry. Not one little iota. They pretend to be sorry, but then turn around and blame the victims, or blame gay people. These are the same people who claim that hate crimes laws discriminate against their religion. These are the same people who are against anti-bullying ordinances that include LGBT students, because they claim it “pushes the homosexual agenda”. These are the same people who claim that the high rates of suicides is “proof” that “homosexuality” needs to be regulated.

No, you morons. They wouldn't be dead if you people weren't telling them that they are inherently bad because of who they are. They wouldn't be dead if you weren't encouraging your kids to bully LGBT kids by treating them like inhuman monsters.

This is why I get so upset when idiots like Ryuu think their homophobia is excusable because they don't go out and punch gay people. They're ignorant, whether deliberately or otherwise, of the harm they do to people just by contributing to the toxic environment that leads to children feeling disgusting and unwanted, and getting bullied until they don't want to live anymore.



The plan, of course, is to try and force LGBT people into hiding away, or of disappearing (figuratively or literally -- they don't give a shit either way), because when you have to hide, you can't fight back. There's no pride in the closet, and without pride, there is less incentive to fight back against people who oppress you. Worse, that shame can be used as a weapon. How many people are apathetic to, or work against, LGBT causes out of fear that they'll be perceived as gay by association?

This is why people need to come out. Because they feel better about themselves. Because they can look around and see others like themselves, and know that they aren't abnormal, or wrong, or sick, or alone. Because there's pride in living true to yourself. Because there's pride in knowing that no matter what the bigots say, you are being true to yourself and living your life according to your own terms. Because they can't blackmail you with information that you give away willingly. Because it exposes the deadly reality of homopobic and transphobic bigotry.

And because when bigots find out that their sister or brother, or mother or father, or son or daughter, or uncle, or coworker, or teacher, or student, or boss is gay, bisexual, or transgender, they realize the people they hate are also the people they love, or people they deal with on a regular basis, and they see the results of their bigotry first hand. Many bigots become a little less bigoted as a result.

Tolerance toward LGBT people is growing in America, and it's due, in part, to the growing number of us who let the world know that we exist.

And for those kids who still have to deal with hatred and violence encouraged by bigoted adults, it gets better.

It really does.

Coming Out

I'm an asexual transsexual atheist. For those who know me or have seen me on DeviantArt, that probably doesn't come as much of a surprise, since I'm pretty much out online anyway.

There's my coming out, for National Coming Out Day.

Actually, I planned on writing more about this, but the subject I intend to cover is one that's very hard for me to write about. Moreso than usual, I mean, and it goes beyond the usual trouble I have with writing things. I will say that it's easier for me to come out now than it would've been ten years ago.

But that's something for another day, hopefully one that's very soon, because it absolutely must be aired out. In the meantime, I didn't want to be late for National Coming Out Day, so there you go.

National Coming Out Day

Le suilon.

It's National Coming Out Day, again. It's celebrated as an awareness day for the GLBT community. It is celebrated in the states and a few European countries on the eleventh, and in the UK on the twelfth.

Now, I think many people don't understand why people in the GLBT community can't just "stay in the closet" and "keep it to themselves." They don't like it being "thrown in their faces."

Well, to cite the American Psychological Association:

Why do some gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals tell people about their sexual orientation?

Because sharing that aspect of themselves with others is important to their mental health. In fact, the process of identity development for lesbians, gay men and bisexuals called "coming out" has been found to be strongly related to psychological adjustment; the more positive the gay, lesbian, or bisexual identity, the better one's mental health and the higher one's self-esteem.

Because roughly ninety percent of all people are heterosexual, many people with non-heterosexual orientations feel invisible, because everyone misidentifies them as heterosexual. Now, when it comes up, some heterosexuals will point out that they're not gay.

It's not just for people yelling "I'm not gay!" when any question of their orientation comes up. Sometimes, this will be when straight people who support the GLBT community start an argument with, "I'm not gay, but..."

It can even be more subtle than that. People hold hands and kiss their boyfriends or girlfriends all the time, in public. They can talk about their straight marriages or straight relationships casually, without fear of being judged for being in a relationship with the opposite sex.

But, somehow, it's flaunting it if a gay person does any of those things. This can definitely make people feel trapped. That's why coming out is important, in the GLBT community.

Also, I already recently came out on the blog, for Celebrate Bisexuality Day, so I just decided to give a little more information.

Have a rainbow-licious day.

Namárië.

Celebrate Bisexuality Day

Le suilon.

This is a relatively new holiday - this will be the eleventh year it is celebrated. It was started in 1999, by three bisexual activists: "Wendy Curry of New Hampshire (but then of Maine), Michael Page of Florida and Gigi Raven Wilbur of Texas" (Sheela Lambert, Celebrate Bisexuality Day: events around the world in 2009).

Part of the reason for this celebration of bisexuality (and also pansexuality, mentions Wikipedia - take that how you will, of course) is due to the prejudice bisexuals receive on both sides - from heterosexuals and homosexuals.

Being bisexual, myself (though, I have also called myself 'genderblind,' on occasion), I've always been particularly irritated by the prejudice from the homosexual end of the spectrum. However, on both ends, I have been told bisexuality doesn't exist - straight people have told me, more than once, that I just "haven't decided, yet."

Other claims are that I'm (or any bisexual is) doing it to be cool, or because I'm (or any bisexual is) not brave enough to come out as homosexual.

The fact of the matter is, sexual attraction is more complicated than saying you're straight or gay. Kinsey is actually quite known for coming up with a sexual spectrum, at which the two extreme ends are monosexual orientations, and in between are varying degrees of bisexuality.

Now, there is criticism that his scale is too simple and restrictive, because there are more sexual orientation identifying labels than just straight, bi, and gay.

Asexuality, for example, or polysexual, or pansexual, are alternative sexual orientation labels that people identify as.

I identify as bisexual, despite the etymologic implication of a sexual binary, simply because that's the label I picked. Perhaps a better term would be polysexual (attracted to multiple genders without implying a gender binary). Or maybe, if I call myself gender blind, some people would say I'm pansexual (attracted to all genders without implying a gender binary). I must admit, learning of different labels does make me wonder if I've mislabeled myself. However, as I am not a label, I feel free to call myself as I desire without it changing who I desire.

The important thing is, these orientations exist, and people identify under these orientations - not because it's "cool," or "different," but because that is their part of their own self identities. No one can force a monosexual orientation on them just because they want to say "You have to pick one, no one is attracted to both, and there are only two genders to choose from."

Really, I'd like to do away with all labels and say I love the person and not the gender, but we live in a society that likes labels and a society that, in some way, needs labels to understand different aspects of people. It makes no more sense to say you can't be attracted to more than one gender any more than it makes sense to say you can't be attracted to the same or opposite gender.

I would like to end this by adding more non-monosexual pride flags, but I could only find one for pansexuality. So, here it is.

Namárië.

Ryuu's Sexism: Entry 1

Boo. Surprise squid appearance.

I've dragged myself out of my little pond to discuss another little issue with Ryuu.

And by little, I mean huge. I'm in a pretty foul mood as well for a variety of reasons, so... Ryuu's in for another ass reaming tonight.

Yes, I'm fully aware of the jokes that sentence may or may not spawn. I can't bring myself to take them. That's too easy. However, if anybody else wants to go for it, knock yourself out.

But I digress. As the title says, Ryuu's pretty clearly a bigot in more than one way.

There were indications of this quite some time ago, though I won't mention them in detail as I've forgotten the source and basically everything but the general gist. But they were enough to make me go, "whoa, hold on there, scooter." Time's passed, though, and other things ate up the space it was using in my brain.

However, it decided to resurface pretty recently, when the lovely She-Elf brought it up in an MSN conversation.

And it hit me again. The man is beyond a doubt sexist.

How do I come to that conclusion? Well, there's a shitload of evidence so hold on to your undies, kids, as we're in for a pretty damn long ride. Which is why I'm breaking this up into a series or we'll be here all fucking week.

Look, I'm the first to admit it: in many cases, I just don't get along with other women. Why, I have no idea. There's too many potential reasons and too few years in a human lifespan for me to get into that. But despite that, I have no tolerance for this sexist bullshit. And that'd be why I'm writing this.

Subject A: His Gerudo character Rebé Anjellia.

Personally, I love the Gerudos. Graceful, fast swordfighters quite capable of holding their own in battle...

I like Zoras for their ability to breath underwater and they look so cool. Gerudos are pretty, and Hylians are pretty much the standard.

I don't know who takes the cake on that.

Oh dear fucking god, that was FAST. They beat the everloving shit out of Link in OoT and the best he can say for them is that they're fucking pretty. Hey, Ryuu? Stop thinking with your dick, okay? It'll help. A lot.

Well, maybe her bio will be better off.

Name: Rebé Anjellia

Nickname/Title: Beauty of the Desert

... Or not. I suspect a shitload of emphasis on how PRETTY and GORGEOUS she is, all of a sudden.

Physical Description: Rebé has been described as the "Beauty of the Desert". She well deserves that title. Her long, flowing scarlet hair cascades to the high-backs of her calves. Its flaring shine reflects the sun's light as it streams with her smooth and graceful movements. Her forehead is bare, having no bangs. But sections of hair hang in front of her ears and sweep down like streams of scarlet. They make their end at the lowest reach of her ribs. Her golden eyes shimmer like the sun's rays on the ocean's sunset. Her deeply emotional mind can been revealed by her eyes. Her face is kind of narrow and she holds high cheekbones. Her nose is medium-length, straight and narrow. Her chin is small and her lips are thin. Though often hidden, her lips are a slight silver, much like that of Nabooru. Her ears are more human-like than those of Hylians'. Her body continues her exquisit [sic] appearance. Her neck is thin, but not weak. Her torso overall is very slender, tone, and sexy. Her stomach as nicely trim and her back is strong. She is noticably[sic] busty, but still in good proportion to the rest of her body. Herbottom[sic] is small and her legs are long, smooth and sleek. Her legs make up most of her hight.[sic] Her feet are long in general, but they're also larger then the usual Gerudo's. Her arms are also smooth and lengthy. Her hands are big with long fingers. Her tanned skin is very smooth and soft all over. She shines in the light naturally like those who have had lotion on. Though she has a delicate display like that of a princess, she is as strong as any Gerudo warrior.

Do I win a fucking cookie? Ignoring the fact that reading that was like reading Twilight on steroids, he's gone into every shitting detail trying to portray how goddamn bangable she is. She's a warrior. Who the hell CARES what her feet look like as long as she gets the job done in battle? And 'streams of scarlet.' Good god, where's the locusts,the plagues and the deaths of the firstborn sons of Egypt? As I'm pretty sure that "scarlet streams" were mentioned in the Old Testament of the bible when the Pharaoh pissed Moses the hell off along with all those other fun things.

Anyway, moving on. Last I checked, being 'delicate' isn't good in a fight. Unless you have a death wish, anyway. 'Display of a princess?' What the hell does that even mean? "Dignity of a princess" makes sense. "Regal bearing of a princess" also makes sense. Not 'display of a princess,' as she's dressed in what basically amounts to lingerie in public and generally, fathers of princesses (those small little issues known as 'kings' or 'emperors' in most cases) flipped the hell out at that, especially in medieval times. Even disregarding that, she's a damn Gerudo. A MEMBER OF A GROUP OF THIEVES. You'd think that logically, the fragile ones would be shunned or not allowed to leave the fortress during crises due to their risk of death or something. It's not like you can go rape and pillage if you're going to fucking break halfway to the pillaging location.

Hey, does that look like a princess to you? Because it doesn't to me. It looks like fap material for Ryuu's high school fanboys.

Moving on once more... Her personality.

Personality: Rebé is very caring and loving deep down, but on the surface, she's more thought of as a wandering mind. She's been known to be someone who can't keep her thoughts here on earth. She likes to joke when she can. Laughter is the best medicine, but no number of such doses have had much effect on the reality of her painful past. She speaks her mind and there's a lot that goes on in there. Though the "jokester" is her main title amung[sic] friends, she is by no means a careless woman. She has her serious and very calm moments and she shows respect where it is due - to her standards. You can easily tell her emotions by her face and her voice. She's aware of her body being attractive to men, and sometimes she'll use that knowledge to her advantage... if she can.

I swear, that all seems like a giant attempt to justify the last sentence. If she's a Gerudo, shouldn't she be capable of initiating an ambush or something even if she's not up to direct combat, instead of just seducing people? The Gerudos are, if I'm not remembering wrongly, very proud women, so why on earth would one of their number sink to this? Besides, why just men? Oh, wait. This is Ryuu we're talking about. My mistake. Real life doesn't factor in there.

Strengths: She's well skilled in the art of Gerudo swordplay. Her slender body and skills with the desert style of dancing make her a perfect attraction and distraction where needed. she also has a strong will.

Okay, here's my biggest issue. She's a skilled swordswoman but her main skill is serving as a stripper/distraction? You gotta be out of your fucking mind, dude. She CAN fight but she would rather defeat enemies through dancing around in skimpy outfits. Yeah. That's gonna work GREAT. Assuming she 'distracts' some furious, sleazy jackass a head taller and much stronger with no self control to speak of ... It's likely she'd be in for a world of trouble.

Oh, but wait. There's more!

Even though you'd probably expect a sole Gerudo to be able to care for herself reasonably well, Ryuu's given her a bodyguard. A male, Queen Gohma ripoff of a bodyguard.

On her way out, she bumped into a massive beast named Morphious. Morphious stayed with Rebé for a while and heard her pour her heart out into her sorrows. Morphious was normally a hardened creature, but this tale softened his heart and he kept Rebé by his side. They have been together ever since.

So, basically, because of this display of sobby distress she caused a cynical, hardened... Male (for lack of a better word, as man doesn't really apply to a great, hulking mutant spider) to become soft and refuse to let her leave his side. Hokay, as a cynical FEMALE, I'd just like to point out that that doesn't work that way, jack. Ryuu's knowledge of human nature at the time the bio was written: None, clearly.

Rebé was always the kind to show off her body from the start, the one character who knew of her beauty and wasn't afraid to flaunt it some. But she was never bragging about it or came off as a show-off in the sense of constantly making emphasis with her words - she always let her figure do that for her. (What the heck, I mean if they don't notice how well she's kept herself by looking at her, words aren't gonna do squat anyway.) Not much really changed over the years, just her outfits. She's fun to make outfits for. But that was it for a while.

... That seems like one. Giant. Contradiction.

Walking around in outfits like she wears... Yeah, that's basically bragging about it. Or begging for 'indecent exposure' charges in some areas. I'm not sure. In any case, if you're wearing clothes that would logically cause people to mosey on over to you and ask "how much for anal," you have a problem.

And he basically admits she's a text-based version of a Barbie doll crossed with a blowup doll. Because of course, women can't be anything else.

This one is actually one of the few who were originally intended for LoZ. Rebé was my first Zelda-based female character and she was made at The Forest Haven. She was always a run-away Gerudo from the start, but her description said she was motherly. She never really was played that way, so her description changed to be more of a wild-spirited diva, as she is here. It was this RP forum she met Morphious, the intelligent Gohma, and the two characters have been near inseparable since, despite the fact he rarely shows in my gallery.

Oh for the love of all things bubblegum flavored.

One, way to fuck up your OWN DAMN CHARACTER. Two, he still has no knowledge of human nature. Three, "diva."

There are so many negative connotations there it's not even funny.

It's now time for Vocab Lessons With Cala.

From Dictionary.com:

di·va
   /ˈdivə, -vɑ/ Show Spelled[dee-vuh, -vah]
–noun, plural -vas, -ve  /-vɛ/ Show Spelled[-ve]
a distinguished female singer; prima donna.

And she's a distinguished stripper (oh, I'm sorry. "Dancer") and I didn't see anything in there about her singing voice, that leads us to definition two.

What is a 'prima donna?' Also from dictionary.com:

pri·ma don·na
   /ˌprimə ˈdɒnə, ˌprɪmə; It. ˈprimɑ ˈdɔnnɑ/ Show Spelled[pree-muh don-uh, prim-uh; It. pree-mah dawn-nah]
–noun, plural pri·ma don·nas, Italian pri·me don·ne  /ˈprimɛ ˈdɔnnɛ/ Show Spelled[pree-me dawn-ne]
1.a first or principal female singer of an opera company.
2.a temperamental person; a person who takes adulation and privileged treatment as a right and reacts with petulance to criticism or inconvenience.

In essence? Since the first definition obviously doesn't apply here, we're dealing with a spoilt, egotistical brat. Actually... That definition sounds a HELL of a lot like Ryuu to me.

Anyway, the sobbings of an egotistical brat caused the coldness of a known cynic to break? Uh... Huh.

Later on, as my love and I got to thinking on her more, we started solidifying what she would be like in Child of the Triforce. She gained Ganondorf's TP headdress with Twinrova's giant gem on her forehead. She gained a vest-like shirt, no bra, puffy Gerudo pants and metal shoes, as well as some nice gloves and snake-head swords. Her hair is mostly down, but in certain times in later stories, it's elaborately braided and woven in rings like Shiva of Final Fantasy X. While this is an absolute keeper for her Morrowind version, it's an on-off thing for her LoZ version.

I'm beginning to run out of expressions of "what the shuddering fuck" besides, well... What the shuddering fuck?

So you're gonna steal shit from... Well. Let's count. One, two, three! Three different characters! And then he calls her original? If you're OK with this entire set-up, please go take a cold shower and think about this. If the method listed doesn't help... Well, I don't know if we can help you here.

Ryuu's blatant thievery aside... Lack of bra in a vest. With large boobs. Oh my GOD, that is a recipe for disaster.

Unless he's only seen plastic tits his entire life, he should know that if a female has anything over about a B cup... Going without a bra is a fairly bad idea. Especially if you're GOING TO BE IN A GODDAMN FIGHT. Too much bouncing around can be painful if you're over a certain size.

So overall, she's basically just Hooker Barbie to him. That's just MILDLY sexist, not to mention creepy.

In closing, compare and contrast a standard Gerudo with Rebé.

Standard Gerudo:
- Somewhat skimpily dressed, as is kinda to be expected if you live in a gigantic desert. Parkas won't be pleasant there. Still, it won't be enough to get them arrested.
- Very capable swordswomen in direct combat or in ambush situations. They're thieves.
- They're proud. This, I believe, is evident in most games they're in. If my brain isn't failing me.
- Even the evil ones are powerful: Ganondorf is an all around massive threat, Koume and Kotake/Twinrova are the last temple boss. Even the little old ladies of the Gerudo don't need a damn bodyguard.

Rebé
- BEYOND skimpily dressed. To the point where if she wore equivalent clothing in this era, it's likely she would be the subject of a sex sting due to people (cops included) mistaking her for a fucking hooker.
- Supposedly a skilled swordswoman. In practice? A dancer who serves as a distraction in battle. In other words, a stripper.
- Clearly lacks pride, as she's a spoilt brat as well.
- She needs a gigantic Gohma to keep her out of trouble. Yeah, Ryuu, way to rape everything everyone knows about the Gerudos and twist it to suit your specifications of women.

What I'm taking from this is that strong women aren't possible to him. Physically and mentally strong women capable of actually fighting. Or dressing reasonably for someone who would expect to see battle. Or not being a spoilt little child who needs a bodyguard.

Someone go wake Ryuu up. The 21st century's asking for him. Apparently it wants to smack him upside the head a few times.



Sources (for whatever reason, the HTML is being a rampaging pile of shit so excuse any dead links, etc.):
Favorite Race Thread
Ryuu's Character Lists
Ryuu's Own DA Journal

How to be a guy what can draw well.

Okay, I myself am now in a mood (Rinku knows why) so there will not be my usual paragraph of being silly, so buckle up we're charging right into it. It being how one goes about not sucking at art.

First off. Art school is not magical nexus of instant artistic knowledge, its a school. Grades, structure, study, tuition, school. Everyone who has declared that they can't be a serious artist because they don't have the time or money for art school, that they are just hobbyists, that they can't be serious unless they're professionals. I want you to shut up.

No, I am not some elitist art major, or a snobby veteran of countless art classes. No, I am a hobbyist who is dead serious about his hobby. And why shouldn't I be? I love drawing, and nothing pleases me more than to draw well, except perhaps to draw better than I ever have before. And I am for the most part self taught by trial and error and constantly bugging a guy who knows what he's talking about for critique of my work (Thank you Rinku!).

Which brings me to the point of this long rant. I want to share a small portion of my practice with you, our non-existent readers.

At the moment I am teaching myself how to do the human body properly, from the bones all the way to complex poses using a few books I picked up cheap at a used book store. Before this I briefly ate up a few pages of my sketch book just drawing basic shapes, Squares, circles and triangles, plus their corresponding three dimensional shapes (more on why later).

These are the books.

I'd prefer to say there's one end all book on the human figure, but there really isn't. Most art books have their strengths and weaknesses, and you'll do well to do research and buy a mix of books that will balance out each others weaknesses. As for me, this was the best I could get at a reasonable price. You will also be aided by a solid understanding of basic shapes as mentally breaking down the complexities of the human body into simple shapes will vastly improve your understanding of them and your ability to draw and remember them.
That said, let us examine my efforts so far.

1. 1st attempt. Focus: Shapes______________2. 2nd Attempt. Focus: Shapes of Skull

3. Detailed focus on skull, minimal use of reference for drawing on left.

(I apologise for the pixelation, just click on the image to zoom in, that'll fix it.)

This was mostly done with reference to Anatomy for artists. In the 1st and 2nd drawings you'll note how I laid out the basic shape of the skull as a set of squares. This was my own observation independent of the book, and the basis for my attempts in the third drawing. While this isn't a perfect shape, its a simple visual short hand for the actual thing and good for fleshing out the size and proportion before doing details. The grid was drawn in by me, though I wish I hadn't as it gets in the way of the shading.

While this isn't a bad start, the real trick will be when I can reliably and and (much more) accurately draw the bones of the skeleton without reference, after that will come learning musculature. And while it certainly is tempting to just skip to practising people practising the framework of the body gives you a good sense of what the human form can and cannot do. It's the basics, and it's surprisingly not that boring to practice them after all.

Straps Straps Straps

Everyone out of the goddamn way. I am in a mood.

So! Ryuu complains because a lot of the pictures we critiqued in the past were older pictures, even though he hasn't really improved much since then. Well, then here's one that he uploaded a few hours ago, as of this writing.

Some days I can tolerate his shenanigans, and then some days I just want to get out a fat red marker and point out everything that's wrong with his stuff. Because he gets so much fekkin' praise for making the same elementary mistakes over and over and over and over again, and doesn't seem to give a damn about making it any better.

I suppose it's appropriate to ask why he should improve. He gets so much fekkin' praise for it, after all, so why should he go to the effort to get better? I dunno, maybe because he's supposed to be an artist and improvement is what artists do? Then again, I guess it isn't any of my business if he wants to continue to draw like a sixteen-year-old when he's well into his twenties. It must feel really satisfying, impressing teenagers with the same half-assed doodles of rip-off characters on lined paper, day after day.

Well, nothing encourages a want to improve like pointing out how ridiculous everything is. And I'm here to put the 'ridicule' in 'ridiculous', because that's what I do.

Ohhh-kay. So what's wrong with Ryuu's picture?

How about damned near everything that isn't tits and come-hither looks?



Oh yeah. That feels better. Very cathartic. Maybe I'll make this a regular thing. Or maybe not. It's hard telling anymore. Anyway...

"The CotT cast is going to have their swimsuits on. But there's more to these pictures than just bikini wearing women or shorts wearing men. You can get those anywhere, I figure.

It's funny he says this, because the picture not only looks like every other cheesecake shot in the history of EVER (except maybe a little blander than some), it doesn't look any different from the pictures already swamping his gallery. Chick standing in an awkward pose, dead center in the composition, with a sloppy, half-assed background and those horrible pointy toes of Ryuu's that I hate so much. There's nothing distinct about this whatsoever. Nothing exciting -- no, not even the ponytail chick with the dislocated hips and the sticky fingers. Seriously, are there no noseeums in Hyrule?

Obviously, there doesn't have to be much style or thought put into cheesecake, because stimulating the intellect isn't the point. But god damn, Ryuu, if you're going to brag about how incredibly original and special your cheesecake is, maybe you should make some effort to actually make it distinct. Maybe look at some real cheesecake and see what makes it varied and interesting and apply it to your own art.

You know, if you don't want to come off looking like a tool.

Here, their swimsuits are designed in a way that also says something about the character his/herself. The style of the form and pattern will portray something that's true to the wearer, thus no two swimsuits will be the same!

And what does Eye's swimsuit say about her? That she's a Sheikah! Because she has straps! Straps straps straps straps straps.

Straps everywhere! Teeny little straps, all wrapped up in awkward places, for no god damned reason. Even on her one-piece. Because Sheikah wear straps, you know. That's just what Sheikah do.

Oh, and there's a religious symbol on the tit of her BATHING SUIT, because that's not disrespectful or blasphemous at all. I wonder how many Christians run around with crucifixes appliquéd on the asses of their swim trunks, encouraging the eye to look at wholesome and godly sexual parts.

I'll tell you how many: not very god damn many.

Overall, simple and straight to the point; comfortable while still a tease to onlookers.

Yeah, comfortable. I wonder if Ryuu has ever had to swim with little straps of cloth tied around inexplicable places. Particularly because wet cloth tends to swell and get heavy and fall off, if if it doesn't get really snug because of... you know, swelling with absorbed water. Not to mention it gets rather clammy on warm days, and stiffens up when it dries. And unless it's immodest to show one's ankles while simultaneously displaying their freshly-waxed bikini line, there's nothing coy about STRAPS AROUND YOUR WRISTS AND ANKLES. And your hair... which tends to tangle in the water. You idiot.

Unusual, yet not flashy, for no one is to suspect when a ninja is around to strike.

In her fucking bathing suit.

Something else about ninjas: they tend to not wear ridiculous accessories that serve no other purpose than to titillate fanboys with no taste in good porn, who want to impress their high-school friends with how clever they are for putting straps on a Sheikah.

And as an accessory, she has an ice cream pop.

And what does this tell us about Eye? Absolutely nothing. Except that she's too dumb to know how to properly hold ice cream on a stick. That's the only bit of information I can glean out of her backwards-fisted, melting dessert treat. Maybe she likes wasps and biting flies, too. I guess there's that.

My one concern is the background. I know in OoT, Lake Hylia was surrounded by some kind of wall, but I don't recall what it was made out of. I just remember it was brown. So, I did the wall to best of my memory, but ignore it at will.

Ohh, Ryuu... That wall is the least of your problems. And for the record: telling me to ignore the background doesn't mean I'm going to, or that I'm even obligated to. In fact, ignoring it is probably the worst thing that I could possibly do, because it means you can get away with it and not have to worry about how distractingly shitty it is, and never strive to improve on it. Hell no, the ignoring stops now.

PERSPECTIVE.

You need perspective -- in a lot of places, but for the moment, I'm just talking about the background. It's not hard to draw a little grid, there, and make sure that you're not building Legoland models and six-inch docks for toy sailboats, and turning acres and acres of lake into a little goldfish pond. Seriously, it's silly; imagine Eye turning around and walking toward that dock.

And that tree.

What the hell is up with that tree? It's made of whale flukes and slugs and tentacle branches. That branch up top is especially confusing; I seriously spent several minutes thinking that branch was actually smoke drifting out from behind the fence. For one thing, it touches the fence itself -- which obliterates the perspective even more -- but for another, BRANCHES DON'T WORK LIKE THAT. Not even dead branches.



Seriously, WTF.

And even though you said that you couldn't remember what the fence was built like, and so you weren't sure of how accurate it was, you still fucking half-assed it. That's no excuse, ever. That's just laziness and apathy. If you're going to make a mistake, then at least make it well. You don't have to know exactly what shape and color the fence was in order to realize that a bunch of random floating lines and a jaggy little sawblade shape on top is ugly and lazy. You don't have to know how tall or how wide the bits of fencepost are in order to draw them as actual pieces of functional fence, instead of just some flat, iconic symbols that look really fake. You might as well have drawn an arrow pointing to it with the word "fence" written next to it, because that's pretty much what you did.

That's kindergarten stuff, Ryuu. Are you in kindergarten?

Oh, and don't cry about how you never went to art school, and so you can't possibly know this stuff. There's nothing magical about going to art school. It's not a secret society where you learn the secret tricks of the masters and gain super special art abilities that will make you PHENOMENAL ARTIST BLACKBELT OF THE SECOND DEGREE. It's called sitting down and doing the research and practicing.

You know, the stuff that you're too lazy and up in your own ego to bother with.

And I know this is the case, because you completely ignore sound advice when it means that you can't just whip out a DeviantArt tutorial and copy it for instant success. You claim you want to improve, but aren't privileged enough to get the knowledge, but the truth of the matter is that you don't want to go to the effort. And it shows. It shows aaaaall over your gallery.

Think I'm wrong? Then prove it. Prove me wrong. Do the effort and grow up beyond making sixteen-year-old fanboys hot in their pants.

Or don't. It's your call.

Paging Dr. (_____): How to deal with constructive criticism

Hello once again one and all, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and the trolls in the back row! After a long hiatus I, the Irreverently Tardy Dr. (_____), have returned! Fresh! Renewed! Ready to try your patience with hours of glorious tedium and witless witticisms! I, the Idiosyncratically long winded Dr. (____), am back baby!

And what, I hear you groan from the back row, am I back to do? What great grandiosely grating revelation have I returned to share with you all? I don't know, I'm just some windbag from the Internet. What do you want from me, A poem?

Seriously though, I've decided, in response to Calamareyes post on how NOT to take constructive criticism, to illuminate you, my oh so attentive audience, with how TO take constructive criticism! How wondrously predictable of me! But that's enough meandering on my part; To business!


Paging Dr. (_____): How To deal with constructive Criticism.


Ah everyone's a critic, sad but true. So sad in fact that I'd like to pause a moment and pass out the tissues for a good cry. Alright, that's enough of that, cut it out. Despite how hard it may be to bear, the only real solution to criticism is to learn how to benefit from it. The alternative is to avoid meaningful interaction with people. Say nothing, hear nothing, do nothing, BECOME nothing and no-one.

Obviously the former solution is preferable to the later one.

The first and most important part to taking criticism and turning it to your own benefit is to embrace the philosophy that you can do whatever you are doing better than you're doing it now. You might not know how, or when you could possibly improve. The opportunity to improve might not ever come, But so long as you do not close yourself to the idea, you will always be in the position to seize upon it. And this will be to your gain.

I will be honest, and admit that this is harder than it sounds. It's very tempting to reach a certain level of competence, to rise just above "good enough" and leave it at that. That's because its the easy way out, and it's very feel good. However, similar to my little "do nothing, be nothing" statement above, If you are content with being "good enough" you are very unlikely to ever be great.

Which brings us to the other part on making use of criticism, which is interpreting it.

First off, make the distinction between criticism directed at you, and criticism directed at your work. Someone can think your an awful person, but your work is incredible, and will criticise you accordingly, or vice versa. Just because someone is criticising your work does not necessarily mean they're criticising you, and just because someone is criticising you personally does not mean they're criticising your work.

Second, your critics are basing what they say upon what they perceive about your work/way of doing things. This does NOT mean that all problems are merely in their heads and have nothing to do with what you've done. If you are tempted to make that assumption stop right now, or you'll never be able to make use of other peoples point of view. So long as they express their issues with what you've done in a reasonable manner (see my articles on giving criticism) you have no reason to outright ignore them.

Third, think of your work/way of doing things in terms of positives and negatives. You want people to notice what is good, without focusing on what is bad. The only way to do that is to not give people negative things to focus on. Say you create a website, but people complain that there is too much clutter, and that its a hassle to navigate to where they want to go. They cannot fully enjoy the positive aspects of the site because the negative aspects interfere. The solution is simple: If people complain that it is broken, fix it.

Which is the best way to use criticism, to find out where the problems are and fix them, thereby improving your work. The very best critics will even tell you how to fix the problem even as they inform you of its existence. You will have to exercise your own judgement of course, but always keep in mind that if a person feels the need to speak up, you should listen, and if they can express their point well you should consider taking their advice, especially if they have expertise on the subject. Ignore the abuse, but listen to those who would be helpful.

And that concludes my little article on how to deal with constructive criticism, which I shall now end with a favourite quote of mine (a rather cliché way to close out I know, but I solemnly promise not to get into the habit of doing it.)

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”
-Winston Churchill-

How NOT To Deal With Constructive Crit

Hey again, Calamareye here with a Ryuu-related rant.

Our subject today? The layout of Zelda Epic Journeys, and the organizational issues it causes. This is a very long post, especially in comparison to my intro post, so be prepared.

Now you may be asking, "What organizational issues, Cala? ZEJ looks fine to me." Then you may want to go read something else (especially if you're one of Ryuu's fangirls/fanboys as this contains criticism of Ryuu), as it doesn't to me, or from the looks of things, at least three of the currently-active members.

The moderator seems to have noticed that somebody though the flood control was excessive and brought it up in the suggestions thread. In the same post, she also pointed out that PM storage was obscenely low, and this seems to have opened up the doors for criticism from the other members.

None of this seems offensive to me. In fact, one member wrote a very long but very detailed post filled with glorious constructive crit.

His suggestions were well-thought-out and streamlined compared to the current layout.

Quote from [Insert]. This was probably one of the longest posts I've ever seen (not that that's a bad thing) so I just snipped the summary of the proposed changes for brevity's sake:

Alright, so just in case you have trouble understanding what exactly my suggestions do to the size of the forum, I'll make a overall comparison. This is what people see when they view your forum now:

Forum Gates
-Zelda: Epic Journeys Homepage
-Rules and Announcements
-Introductions

Conversations
-Japanese Anime / Manga
-Video Games
-Creation Game Center
-Creation Fics / CreationArt
-Advertisements
-Forum Games
-Chatterbox

Fortunes of Fantasy
-Alternative RPs

The World of Zelda
-Zelda Character Registry
-The Land of Hyrule
-The Land of Termina
-Hyrule of Twilight Princess
-The Great Sea

Adminstrator and Moderator Exclusives
-Authority Office
-Hyrule Castle Courthouse

And with my adjustments, this is what the average user would see: crisp, smooth, and with an overall flow...

Forum Gates
-Announcements
-Help Desk (Optional: for suggestions and site problems. Or just asking for help I guess)

General
-General Chat
-Entertainment
-Gaming
-Artwork
-Zelda

Other/Misc.
-Advertising
-Roleplay

It's almost kind of exciting how much this can all be squished down and generalized.

Makes sense to me. He also pointed out that 'The Royal Courthouse' made banning seem like a game and that leaving the staff forum visible to members was just extra clutter.

Ryuu's response:

I do agree with most of it. But the RP sections are supposed to be more extensive, as the "Epic Journeys" part of the name is hinting towards the various RP sections to keep things filed in a more The Forest Haven type way. But I wanted there to be more than just Zelda, so I had the alternative section for those who want to not do Zelda type stuff. Clumping them all together might make it clean on the outside, but disorganized on the inside.

'More extensive' doesn't do a bit of good if all of your members are turned off by it. And it seems most of them are. And for those unfamiliar with it, The Forest Haven was a fairly large Zelda forum that exploded. Repeatedly. I can't speak for anybody else but damn me if I want to hold up a forum that had numerous problems, power struggles, explosions and other unpleasant acts of that nature that now seems to be permanently removed from the internets as my ideal.

Also, if I remember right as it's been a long time since it was last up, there were about three people roleplaying there when it finally died. Ryuu, his girlfriend and one of Ryuu's friends.

I'd also like to point out he was a roleplay mod there. He's not exactly Captain Objective in this situation, I'd say.

Even his moderator disagrees with the layout:

GameMisconduct29:

If I can offer my two cents, I've found if you divide areas up like you have it's extremely disorganized and trying to remember what happened last is a real pain.

On a Zelda exclusive forum, if you divide it further than per game it gets... Messy, I've found. The topic switch per location doesn't really help and I've had a few people (not just here; I've been at a few others with that sort of layout besides here and TFH) tell me it's thrown them off and kind of discouraged them from RPing.

So I'd definitely prune that to one forum per game, and edit the rules so that whether the party chooses to make a new topic if they switch locations within that forum is up to them.

If your mod thinks your organizational skills are shit (though she didn't say it quite like that) you have a problem with your layout, dude.

Ryuu:

Really? It always helped me out in many ways. One of which is you don't have to search through pages in one topic to find something, in case you're re-reading and want to find a particular event, it's not easy to get to page 44 or so when your latest page is 90+, eh?

But, if it's really putting off people, I'll look into things at least. See what can be done and all.

Oh, god forbid other peoples' minds don't work the same way as yours, and don't like being forced to create separate topics! Letting them have a choice? OH NO, THAT VIOLATES MY STANDARDS OF DICTATORSHIP! Look, I don't see anywhere where GameMisconduct said "NO NEW TOPICS. EVAR." If you don't like the fact that somebody doesn't change topics, DON'T RP WITH THEM. This isn't neurosurgery here.

He said he'd look into it, though, so perhaps something will be done.

GameMisconduct again:

It's not so much the separate topics, as I've done that before with different story arcs with friends. That is a real lifesaver, but it shouldn't be required. The people I've talked to have said it's the subforums for every. Freaking. Single. Area, and I'll agree with that.

And being FORCED to switch forums if you leave to a new area is a bit... Painful as well. I'd recommend creating one subforum per game in the series. Someone suggested a subforum or forum or another area for out of character discussions. I endorse this, because you can let the participants work how it'll be out amongst themselves. If they all wanna switch topics for each location change, sure. If they don't no big deal.

This seems to be the opinion of others as well.

Hoodcom (edited the not immediately relevant remarks out; he essentially just agreed with [Insert] that the staff forum should be set to admins/mods only and that the courthouse needs to go very far away):

I must agree with the whole problem on the switching of forum categories for each area... it was always a bit too much of a pain and confusion for me, which kinda kept me from really getting into the Zelda RP section before.

And we have another. Abhinav:

I agree with Hoodcom, [Inset] (sic) and Gamemisconduct (sic). I think these changes would be very good for the ZEJ community.

Clearly, out of the handful or two of members who post at all anymore, at least three actively think it needs changed enough to post and none of the others have disagreed of yet. One of these is his own mod.

Of course, as I think at least two contributors here know, Ryuu can be extremely touchy. It's been noted that if you say anything that doesn't agree in every possible way with his beliefs, he will refuse to respond.

This has occurred if someone discusses Christianity in a way that isn't entirely gushing over how it's the one real religion, or if somebody points out that there's other religions, as well as those who lack one. This has occurred in other circumstances, but those are the most common.

Though he claimed he was 'looking into it,' there hasn't been a response. [Insert] and GameMisconduct's posts were made on July 29, according to the board settings, and as it's now August 24 in my country, that should be MORE than enough time for a response to the proposed changes. As it stands now, I believe we have a case of 'oh noes, somebody criticized my forum and is being MEAN, I won't respond.'

I mean, shit. 'Looking into it?' All he has to do is run it by Zelda. It's not like he has to run it by Zelda, President Obama, the Pope, the Queen of England and Jesus H. Christ (if that was the case I think it'd get stonewalled somewhere between Obama and Liz, personally).

Running something by a co-admin isn't that time-consuming if you're close to them, in my experience. It usually goes like this for me:

"Hey..." "Yeah, Cala?" "I wanted to make a few changes to the forum." "Oh?" "The members seem to think [x, y, z and q] are needed. Can I go ahead and make the changes?"

The response is either "Oh, sure, you want a hand with that?" or "Eh, I dunno about [z]. Can we compromise with the members?" The changes are enacted within a couple hours if the former and if the latter, within a day of figuring a compromise out.

This is all over IM. A five minute discussion at most, unless my friend needs to eat or go out or something along those lines. I think the majority of the readers here know Ryuu and Zelda both have IM programs, so the month delay is ridiculous.

If you say you're going to do something, follow the fuck through. Do NOT lead everyone on and make 'em think you're gonna do it just to shut them up. Grow some balls and say, "I'm sorry but we have no intention of doing [x, y, z, q and f] at this time. Thanks for your input, though, and we really appreciate your concern for the forum." Is that that hard to do?

I need lunch now. Raging makes me hungry. Cala, over and out.

(All quotes in their full can be found here: Suggestions and Feedback Thread )

LoZ - Shattered Peace: Chapter 1

Le suilon.

Now, unlike with my mock, I will not be copying the whole chapter to this post and going over it in sections. This is mostly because I have already sent the author a somewhat detailed critique.

This is somewhat abridged, I admit - I may have rushed writing it, a little. For that, I apologize.

If you wish to see the whole chapter, then I recommend visiting the provided link, here: Shattered Peace: Chpt 1, by Stormsworder.

Overall, it's a decent fan fiction. I would make some comparative judgment, but since I usually read plenty that is a lot worse than this, that would be insulting.

I cannot speak strongly for accuracy to canon. Due to problems with game systems, I haven't yet beat the game. However, I like to think that I know enough about quality in writing to offer some words.

The story starts in a banquet hall and is full of exposition. This is good and bad. For some fan fictions, explaining what has happened since game events helps reorient the reader. However, if handled badly, the story can seem tedious or pile too much information on the reader.

This chapter isn't terrible for it, but it does have some problems in execution. It chains together a number of character introductions in narrative. This can actually be executed well, with a strong enough narrative, though it might be a bit much for a first chapter.

We do get a bit of character interaction, though, after the introductions run their course. It's a little stiff, at times, but dialogue is sometimes difficult to write. She does not have the problem of using stilted language, for the most part, however, so the dialogue reads like actual conversation.

What would really help is to break up the introductions with stronger character interaction. Perhaps map out the seating arrangement, and go through the characters and offer a part of their conversations to show personality, instead of telling the readers how they act.

A number of characters, from what I know, are not canon - Zelda's gathered a couple of siblings, for example. This is something that does make me wary (I read a lot of bad fan fiction, so I do tend to be overcautious), but I don't get any feeling of Sues or self-inserts from my first impressions. It is worth it to give the characters a chance, and their absences are explained with logical reasons.

There isn't a lot to talk about so far, however - it's an introductory chapter. However, though it has its faults, I think it is worth giving a look.

I don't know if I'll go over the next chapters, yet, but I would still like to thank Stormsworder for letting me use her first chapter as my first critique under the new management.

Namárië.

Fulfilling Your Daily Mutant Squid Quotient

Nice to make your acquaintance. I'm Calamareye and will be contributing from time to time.  You can call me pretty much anything you want as long as I can tell you mean me anyway, haha.

About me? Not much to tell. I have a pretty ordinary existence in a pretty ordinary town. I like to read a lot, though, and am more than a bit of a nerd. 

So since I suck at intro posts and really don't know what else to cover I'll cut this off here. See you around.

My Inner Life: Author Notes

Le suilon.

As a note, this will be a long post, quoting a fairly large chunk of text.

I would like to start this post by telling any writers who post online with author notes what not to do when writing said notes.

Do not:

1. Have an author note longer than your first chapter
2. Use 4-11 exclamation points when trying to emphasize your point
3. Be painfully redundant
4. Have huge blocks of paragraphs in all-caps
5. Forget to proof read
6. Do all of the above while whining and then call your critics immature

I decided I couldn't say our blog mocks writing without covering My Inner Life. It is one of the most insane things I've ever tried to read and I've developed what is almost assuredly an unhealthy fascination with trying to fix it.

I will be going over the whole fic with Dr. Whatsisbucket, but I decided to be nice and do the Author's Note alone. Last time he tried to do it with me, he was possessed at least twice by a demon that danced jigs and chanted in backwards Pig-Latin.

I won't be doing the spelling and grammar mistakes because, to be quite honest, I tried doing that, before, and it would honestly take hours and a lot of editing to do. I do not want to waste that much time on this.

For those who don't know, words don't do it justice. This author's note will serve to be a better prelude than I could give.

Disclaimer: My Inner Life was written by Link's Queen. It has long been abandoned, to my knowledge, though I'm sure no one would want to claim this.

Author’s notes: Hello. Thanks for choosing to read my story. As you might know I have become a major Zelda fan in the last year. Ever since I played OoT I have grown a fond interest in Link. I started to notice that after I got really into it, I found that I have a strange gift. A gift to Lucid Dream. I started having dreams about Hyrule, and about Link. In a Lucid Dream you can control your dreams. The dreams became very real, kinda like a second life, and almost every night I would have another. Starting from where the last left off. Even to this day I still have them. I find that they help me get through life. I know this may sound queer, but for me the dreams sure help me out. I have shared this story with many other people and so far all has liked it. Now as you read this it is told from my perspective or first person view.

Here, I have to talk a bit about lucid dreaming - I'm sure most people are aware of what it is: being aware that one is dreaming and gaining some modicum of control. It is actually a skill that can be cultivated and it is something I have been practicing without much success.

I have had all of two lucid dreams in my life and one of them was by accident. The problem with lucid dreams, that I've found, is that awareness of dreaming actually causes a high frequency of waking up much earlier than one might have, otherwise.

I won't say she isn't telling the truth on this point, though I am naturally skeptical, because that's a pointless exercise. I can't know, either way, so I'm going to concede this, at least.

All that being said, that doesn't mean anyone should write their dreams down as stories without reworking them at least a little.

You will find that it is very detailed since I remember it all very clearly to this day. The story takes place after OoT. Nothing after that ever happens. No Majora's Mask. No LttP, or even Oracle of Ages and Seasons. And there is no love relation between Link and Zelda, Link and Ruto, Link and Malon or Link and Saria.

Ignoring all that nonsense about throwing out pairings just to avoid competition (note, too, that they're all female - probably because there's no way a person of the opposite sex could be homosexual or bisexual if you're attracted to him/her), please pay attention to the way she discards canon.

Majora's Mask takes place after Link is sent back to enjoy his childhood, so we can't have that. God forbid he actually enjoy seven years of his life before getting into a relationship. And despite the fact that A Link to the Past and Oracle of Ages/Seasons have completely different Links for their heroes, they don't happen, either.

It is fine to play around with canon, a little, but disregarding massive parts (like, entire games) that take part in different eras is a little much.

Because of my feelings about Link, the person that he gets involved with in this story is myself or actually is my persona. A persona is for those of you who need to know, a representation of ones personality, or in dictionary terms is, (Persona) n. In biology, same as person. So for all you future readers, this story is based on Jenna, a char that is a representation of my personality.

...

Just let me pull out one of my favorite dictionaries, here... (please make a note of it, because Oxford is a real dictionary. Dictionary.com is not)

persona (per·so·na)

Pronunciation:/pərˈsōnə/
noun
(plural -so·nas or -so·nae /-ˈsōnē/)

       * the aspect of someone's character that is presented to or perceived by others:.
               her public persona
       In psychology, often contrasted with anima
       * a role or character adopted by an author or an actor

I don't think I've ever heard the usage of "same as a person." If there was no difference between persona and person, I don't think the word would exist.

But if you think this might be too queer then you shouldn't read this. THIS IS NOT THE TYPE OF STORY FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DISLIKE, OR CANNOT HANDLE SUCH MATERAL AS THE CONTEXT OF THIS STORY.

Well, maybe it's not the queer content but the bad content that bothers them. I mean, if you just said, "This story is awful and only consists of my fangirl wetdream journal. Don't read it," then you'd probably deter more readers.

But if you seriously believe you can handle the content of this story, then read on. If your squeamish about sex, then you should not read this, since this story is a REAL LEMON

and there is a lot of that, heavily detailed. (Between Link and I that is) Especially during the bonding ceremony. There is also some blood content and strong adult language. So if that’s too much then you should turn back now.

Now I have not finished it as of yet. I have to catch up, since the last dream I had was just after Link and I had the blessing ceremony for our twins.(Our 3rd and 4th kids) Right now there is about 100-150 pgs worth. I'm expecting it to reach at least 300-350 probably even more. I will try to up date as often as possible. I hope that some of you like this. I do not mind sharing it. But please understand that this is very PRECIOUS to me, as well as Link. So like I said, if the content of this story sounds, too queer to you, TURN BACK NOW!

"And never come back!" ...sorry. Actually, no, I'm not.

I don't understand the compulsion of writing down dreams, exactly as they happen, and posting them as stories. I've written my dreams down, before. I'd never think of actually showing them to any stranger on the Internet, or any stranger at all, for that matter.

Drawing inspiration from dreams is a better idea and doesn't inhibit the writer from changing something that doesn't make logical sense.

Also, don't post private, personal things on the Internet as stories, if you don't want them to be criticized. Not everyone on the Internet is super friendly.

But to all who wish to continue, happy reading. Thanks,
~*~ Link’s Queen ~*~

Okay, so that wasn't so bad. I mean, it was a bit long and already shows disregard for canon while being overbearing on readers, but --- oh god, it's not over.

Rated R for strong adult language, sex, violence and blood content.
AGAIN AS A FINAL WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS HEAVY SEX, ABULT LANGUAGE AND TALKS ABOUT MY PERSONAL ENCOUNTER WITH LINK. THIS STORY IS BASED ON DREAMS, DREAMS ABOUT MY LIFE WITH HIM. IF YOU FIND THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY TO BE OFFENSEVE, QUEER, OR PLAIN OUT OFF THE WALL, THEN DO NOT READ ON!!!!!!!

*Is blown out of her chair* AGH!

*Pulls herself up and pulls exclamation marks out of her hair*

I HAVE GOTTEN WAY TO MANY FLAMES ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY WHEN I HAVE PLACED SEVERAL WARNINGS!!!! I WILL NOT ACCECPT ANY MORE FLAMES, RAMBLINGS, CUSSING OR EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT ABOUT THE CHAR JENNA, OR REVIEWS ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY, EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT, VICIOUS ATTACKS AGAINST MY PERSONALITY, OR NON-MATURE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM!!!

I'm sure you're fit to judge excessive lashing out and non-mature criticism. Wanna ease up on the capslock?

ANY REVIEWS SUBMITTED THAT DO NOT FOLLOW THE ABOUVE GUIDLINES, WILL BE DELETED IMMEDIATELY! THESE WARNINGS ARE NOT THERE TO LOOK PRETTY, THE AUTHORS PLACE WARNINGS FOR A REASON!!! IT IS TO TELL YOU WHAT THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS SO THAT IF THE READER FINDS THE CONTENT OF THE STORY OFFENSIVE, THEY WILL NOT READ ON!!!

Yeah, that's fine, but what if your story is just bad? Are you going to warn people your story is full of spelling errors, grammatical errors, redundant sentence structures, a meandering plot, and flat characters?

Are you going to warn people that "adult content" isn't just graphic sex, but excessive, pointless sex that go on longer than some chapters?

MANY AUTHORS HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT UNWANTED, EXCESSIVE, VIOLENT AND JUST PLAIN NASTY REVIEWS THAT HAVE BEEN SUBMITTED BY READERS ABOUT THEIR STORIES, CAUSING FANFICTION TO GRANT AUTHORS THE ABILITY TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS AND BLOCK CERTAIN READERS!! I WILL SAY THIS FOR MYSELF AND FOR ALL AUTHORS ON FANFICTION. NO AUTHOR TWISTS YOUR ARM OR HOLDS YOU AT GUN POINT OR FORCES YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM TO READ THEIR STORIES!!

No reviewer forces you in any way to read their reviews, either.

I doubt anyone hunted you down, kidnapped your family, and said, "NOW YOU WILL READ MY REVIEW, OR I SHALL DROP YOUR FAMILY INTO THIS VAT OF ACID."

Look, I can use all-caps, too!

LOUD NOISES VIA TEXT.

ALL READERS HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO READ A CERTAIN STORY!!! IT IS YOUR RESOPONSIBILITY TO READ THE WARNINGS AND DECIDE FOR YOUSELF IF THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU, AND TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO READ ON OR NOT!!! AND IT ALSO IS THE READERS RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ON HOW THEY HANDLE THENSELVES WHEN LEAVING A REVIEW FOR AN AUTHOR!!

IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, READERS.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, TODAY!

LEAVING A REVIEW THAT IS VIOLENT IN NATURE ONLY MAKES YOU THE READER LOOK BAD, AND IS VERY IMMATURE.

Writing paragraphs upon paragraphs of a rant, however, is completely mature.

IF ALL US HERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS, WELL THEN, LETS CONDUCTIVE OURSELVES LIKE ADULTS AND NOT LIKE LITTLE KIDS!

...on fanfiction.net? I always assume most people there are between the ages of 13-17.

ALSO, ADULTS ABUSE CAPSLOCK ALL THE TIME TO YELL AT YOU IMMATURE PEOPLE THROUGH THE INTERNET.

I ONLY EXPECT THE VIOLENT LASHING OUT AND VICIOUS ATTACKS TO COME FROM TEENANGERS, NOT ADULTS! IF YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE ADULTS THAT ARE CONDUCTING YOURSELVES IN THE MANORS I DECRIBED ABOVE, YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE SCARING ME!

Well, you're scaring me, so the feeling is mutual.

IT’S A DAMN SHAME TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE ADULTS OUT THERE WHO CANNOT CONDUCTIVE THEMSELVES IN THE SIMPLEST MANORS THEIR PARENTS HAVE TAUGHT THEM!

Your parents taught you to throw a loud fit when people thought your writing was bad?

ALSO LEAVING MALICIOUS REVIEWS IS ALSO A SIGN OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

While that may be true for some people, it is not true for everyone and you shouldn't presume about those people. Really, without seeing those reviews, I'm more willing to assume they weren't any more terrible than "You really suck stop writing forever."

IF ALL YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW DO IS ATTACK SOMEONE VICIOUSLY, IT’S A SIGN OF SELFISHNESS AND NO RESPECT FOR ONES-SELF! I SUGGEST TO ALL READERS WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A MALICIOUS REVIEW FOR ME, PLEASE GET A HOBBY AND LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER, BECAUSE YOUR ONLY HURTING YOURSELF, NOT ME! ALSO LEAVING A NASTY REVIEW ONLY MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID, NOT ME!

"I DON'T NEED HELP MAKING ME LOOK STUPID. AND I HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OF MY ANGER, WHICH IS WHY I AM PSEUDO-YELLING AT NO ONE IN PARTICULAR ON THE INTERNET."

I FIND IT VERY RIDICULOUS THAT I HAD TO LEAVE A WARNING THIS LONG, BUT IT IS BECAUSE OF THE VERY IMMATURE READERS THAT HAVE SUBMITTED NASTY CHILDISH REVIEWS!

Other people obviously made you do it, threatening to drop you in a vat of acid if you didn't post this ridiculous, redundant, and painful author note.

Obviously.

AGAIN, PLEASE READ THE ABOVE CONTEXT BEFORE READING ON!!!!

...no thanks.

Furthermore, I have realized that this story needs some heavy grammar corrections, and that the plot needs some work.

Yet, you will leave it up before even bothering to correct it, then later abandon the project and move on to your next favorite fandom.

Also under the advisement of my friend who had just recently completed two literature classes, has stated the reasons why people had classified Jenna as a “Mary Sue” char and labeled her as “flat”. She has come to the conclusion that most people do not know or understand Jenna’s history, so she has advised me to create an origin story to explain about her history before she met Link. That way she will become more rounded and give people a reason to care about her.

If her history only serves to make her more perfect and wonderful, then she'll still be a Mary Sue. Mary Sues are characters lacking in any notable flaws. Typically, any self-insert (which Jenna is) who serves the purpose of letting the writer fulfill fantasies (for which Jenna is) is a Sue.

If your character is just so super awesome special that the character over whom you are lusting almost immediately jumps into a relationship with her, then your character is a Sue.

The end.

It was never in my intentions to create Jenna as a “Mary Sue” char or to make her conceited, because I’m not really like that.

...does anyone intentionally create Mary Sues, outside of people satirizing them? And of course you didn't want to make her conceited - conceit is seen as a flaw. Sues don't have flaws.

Jenna is a persona char, one that resembles my personality while this story is being told from her perspective.

And this means she is totally not a Sue ever, ever.

This story is not something that I pulled out of my head like my drawings, it came from my dreams.

Her dreams come from a cookie tin in the pantry.

So I understand that revising this story is going to be hard work and will take time. Since this story is being told in the exact, or close to exact order it happened in the dreams, changing how fast Link and Jenna marry isn’t going to be easy. Even changing how fast they have sex and revising the Lemon parts also won’t be so easy to do.

"Because of all this, I won't do it. I'll only talk a lot about it."

No, seriously - does it really need to happen exactly as it did in your dreams? If it does, keep a dream journal. And don't use ff.net AS a dream journal.

But I’m currently in the process of revising this story, also I have received a college grammar book from my friend and I will be investing in a Beta-Reader. I’m also considering taking to literature classes at JC to help boost my writing skills. But now I say this, if you people, the reviewers really have the intentions to help me, them please do it positively and like a mature adult.

Do as she says, not as she does.

I’m telling you that it is a proven fact that negative motivation NEVER motivates someone to change. It never has and it never will. I’m pretty sure your parents have taught you that people only respond to positive motivation and not negative.

My parents punished me when I misbehaved. I stopped misbehaving.

IT IS A PROVEN FACT THAT I WAS NOT MOTIVATED TO DO BETTER BECAUSE OF MY DESIRE TO AVOID PUNISHMENT. SHUT UP, IT IS. I SAY ITS A FACT.

I’m not close-minded, I NEVER have been. I have always been open to other people’s thoughts and opinions, its when its done in an inappropriate manner that I turn my nose at it and look away. People have to understand that when you’re an adult, you need to conduct yourself like one and learn how to address other people like one.

This is conducted by yelling at people on the Internet for not liking your stories.

You cannot just act childish when you come across something that you DO NOT approve of,

*She-Elf's internal irony meter breaks* OW! MY BRAIN! *Falls over*

you’re only making yourself look bad and that can affect you later on in life.

*Broken irony meter sputters*

AGH. It hurts. My kingdom for a healing potion!

Acting childish and ranting and raving is something I’d expect a little kid would do when he doesn’t get his way. When an adult acts childish over stupid things, that’s looked down upon, and considered to be unhealthy.

*Broken irony meter starts spazzing. The She-Elf feebly points upward at the wall of allcaps rant*

I have seen far too many reviews left for me where the reviewers are just ranting and raving like little kids over this story because they do not like it. It is only making them look stupid and is very unhealthy. I fear that these people have some serious emotional problems if they get that upset over a story. People in control of their emotions and have also obtained some sort of common sense, NEVER let little things get them all riled up.

*Irony meter dies*

...I wonder if I should be worried more at the numbness, instead of the pain...

*Pulls herself back into the chair*

It is very sad when one that is supposed to be an adult, cannot handle them like one. I was NEVER angry with the reviewers not liking the story, it’s how they handled themselves when leaving me the reviews. Getting riled up, ranting and raving, screaming and spitting nails over this story is what has caused me to get upset, not the fact that they didn’t like it.

See, I would take you more seriously, if you hadn't gone on an allcaps rant. I do this because I like Mystery Science Theater 3000. I'm afraid that you're actually serious.

Also as a side note, I NEVER physically hurt ANYONE with this story.

I beg to differ.

I got one reviewer that said. “Oh God please stop writing, your hurting everyone.” Now I want to know where I physically touched that person.

Because the only pain is clearly physical. I'm not saying there's actual pain involved, here, but implying that I have to be stabbed to be in pain is a little stupid.

I want to know how I’m twisting anyone’s arms to read this. I have never done anything of the sort in any way, shape or form and I DO NOT appreciate being accused of that! If you’re emotionally hurt over this, its your fault not mine.

Because it's not your fault if you call people you think have low self-esteem immature, selfish, and so on. They obviously made you insult them so to injure their already low self-esteems so they could enjoy the sweet pain of verbal abuse.

I’m sorry if it did, but I have placed several warnings describing the content of this story and if you know what it contains and you do not like this type of material, then why are you reading it? I do not appreciate getting accused for other people’s actions. It is your choice as the reader to read the content of this story and it is not my fault if it upsets you when you knew from the gecko what it contained. So please DO NOT flame me about it.
I also feel like a schoolteacher teaching a bunch of little kids. And I find that this really wasn’t necessary and shouldn’t have had to come to this, but it is very hard when your reviewers have forgotten how to conduct themselves like adults.

I'm sick of repeating my previous jokes and points. So, have some kittens on a roomba.

If you honestly think that being malicious is a good thing and that you’re not wrong in doing so, well then your blinded by your own selfish pride. People with common sense learn how to take responsibility for themselves and are able to admit when their wrong.

Their wrong what?

Or did you forget that "their" is possessive and takes an object while "they're" means "they are"?

I have found that many of the reviewers that have left me malicious reviews honestly believe that its appropriate behavior for an adult.

A theorized example of the reviews Link's Queen received:

"DEAR COCKFLUTE:

I AM OFFENDED BY THE CONTENT OF YOUR STORY. IT IS TERRIBLE AND IT MADE MY LUNGS EXPLODE. STOP WRITING OR I WILL DROP YOU, YOUR FAMILY, AND THE WORLD IN A VAT OF ACID.

I AM TWENTY FIVE AND I BELIEVE IT IS MY RIGHT TO THREATEN PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET. THIS IS CLEARLY APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR FOR ADULTS AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME AS BELIEVING THAT IN EIGHT PAGES OF RANTING.

SINCERELY,
AN EGOMANIAC FULL OF SELFISH PRIDE WHO IS OBVIOUSLY AN ADULT ON FANFICTION.NET"

When it really is that they are too self-absorbed in themselves to admit their wrong. Again that results from selfish pride. One to scared to admit in front of others that they just might be wrong.

Where are you getting this? Psychology 101 For The Overassuming Crazy Person?

Also, how can any of you hold any right to call Jenna conceited when in reality, your contradicting yourself by being conceited as well? Being conceited is again selfish pride and being self-absorbed.

...what? Y- Bu-...

And now for something that makes more sense than Link's Queen.

And yes, it is and always will be a fact that most of the reviewers have been conceited and very contradictive. Please DO NOT leave me a review that only contradicts what you are trying to preach. You should in reality, take your own advice.

Speaking of taking your own advice, do you plan on removing your insane rant and conducting yourself like an adult?

(The answer is no.)

Again I find it very ridiculous that this had to be as long as it is,

So do we. Do I have time for a "Get on with it" gag? I think I do.

but it is due to the fact that people not conducting themselves appropriately. Also if I do receive any more malicious reviews, with screaming, spitting nails or ranting and raving over this story because you do not like it then are to self-absorbed to admit that acting like that is wrong, well then you have proven my point! All of this is very self-explanatory!

Which is why you had to "explain" it for eleven hours.

Now PLEASE DO NOT READ ON if you DO NOT plan on leaving me a review appropriately!

Total Word Count: 2,204

I look at this, and I can only think "WHY?" Why would you write this? It's badly written, overly sensitive, and overly aggressive. This sort of aggression trying to make "malicious comments" stop is actually more likely to do the opposite.

Keep that in mind, sane writers: writing long, aggressive author notes trying to get negative reviews to stop rarely stops those negative reviews. Take the criticism, throw out the negativity. I'm not saying "don't get bothered," because some people DO take it too far (delete or flag those, depending on the site you post your material on). However, throwing a fit online really won't fix anything for a number of reasons.

Finally, don't post your wet dreams as fan fiction on the Internet. It really isn't a good idea, as you'll see reading this story.

Namárië.