Ryo In Denial PT 2

Ryo in denial

Artwork PT. 2

Ebony Dark’Ness Demensia Raven Way here, continuing this series much to your chagrin.

The more observant of you will notice that I am posting as myself rather than everyone’s favorite squid with anger issues posting on my behalf. For the less perceptive of you, the announcement at the top pretty much declared my arrival to poke at “a certain elephantine preppy man.” And if it’s ONE THING people should know about us Goths, we HATE preps! Stuck up snobs think they can tell US what WE’RE doing is wrong? Perverted? All while they masturbate to pictures of themselves and support things like dominating women, segregating minorities and dictating who can marry who? All because I wear black and take joy in the morbid taboos of life? And how we dress somehow means we’re devil worshipers? Ryo, if it’s ONE thing I can tell you, I have a choker with a c-r-o-s-s on it and I’m wearing it RIGHT NOW. (Along with a white and black underbust corset, a white tiny hat on the side of my now pink hair, a pink bra, pink panties, a pink bustle skirt, white tights, pink bunny slippers—okay, back to the choker.) That ALONE makes me more Christian than you’ll EVER BE.

*Cue loud pipe organ music*

 So I am here today, before all of you, like the good Stanist I am, to do what any good preacher would do in a house of truth: Testify. Testify, in my own words, against the monstrosity that is Ryo, a man who is so deeply in denial about himself that he’s built this ungodly image (of ironically being a god himself) to fool the general public, and even himself, about who he really is. He is climbin’ in your computer monitors and he is spoon-feeding you lies. He claims he believes only in the lord Jesus himself but in a desperate struggle to stay chaste before the eyes of the lord, his own eyes blinded by his ego, he has turned himself into a false idol and the higher the pedestal that he places himself on, the harder his honesty and his ability to realize the truth crashes to the ground and shatters.

 I tell you the lord hath no eyes for a man who has eyes only for himself and Ryo’s ego is so large that he cannot see around it and so dense that he cannot see through it. Ryo preaches that he knows the way to the light while he only walks further and further into the shadows of deception. He claims to be trying to save the souls of others while he only condemns his own soul further into the depths of hell. My friends, Ryo is a man who needs help, and he may be even further beyond the reach of god. But we can help him.

 For just FIVE dollars, we can send Ryo a sign. A sign from the lord. It was sent to me personally and all it needs to be is printed, fixed on a wooden stake and planted in his back yard! For you non-believers here is the image he has sent me!

God compels you to call this number and donate! He is demanding his word be spread! Call this number and make your donation of five dollars and we will knock this false idol off of his pedestal!

 1-888-fuck-ryo

 … I’m just kidding, I’m a pissed off Goth kid, not a fuckin’ televangelist. I don’t need your cash to rip Ryo a new one.

 Anyways, grand fucking entrance complete, let’s get back to the point. In our next piece of, er…. No, I can’t bring myself to call this a work of art. More like a piece of shit. So in our next piece of shit, we have Ryo in…. A speedo.

Due to the graphic nature of this next image, it might not be suitable for younger audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.



JESUSCHRIST IT’S AN ELEPHANT-MAN GET TO THA CHOPPA!!!!

This is part of his extremely disturbing “Glamour shot” series called “Last chance at summer.” I prefer the name “Excuse to draw chicks in bathing suits in suggestive poses and an elephant man in a speedo” myself, but there you go.

 Now this was going to be an article strictly based on the blatant childishness in trying not to look like a sexual deviant and how that makes him look more like a sexual deviant, but I just have to point something out:

 HIS ANATOMY IS ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING.

Seriously, Ryo? Seriously? There’s no man alive who looks like that. He claimed in one passive Deviantart comment that he based Ryuu’s appearance on Arnold Schwarzenegger during his body-building phase. Ryo, Ah-Nold, as buff as he is, has NEVER EVER EVER BEEN THAT HUGE, NOR DID HE HAVE THAT MANY MUSCLES. THE NUMBER OF MUSCLES ON THE HUMAN BODY IS CONCRETE. No matter how much you work out, you never have more muscles in your body, you just make the ones you have bigger.  So WHY DOES RYUU HAVE, LIKE, 4 BICEPS?!

Now I claim myself to be an artist. I never said a good artist, but an artist nonetheless. As an artist, I couldn’t deal with looking at this anymore so I figured I’d do something called a red-line drawing. A red-line drawing is when you take a pre-existing drawing that either you or someone else has created and you draw over it with red to fix mistakes or make the picture look better. In Ryo’s case, I had to do both. So here’s my attempt to fix the drawing of Ryuu.

Definitely an improvement, wouldn’t you agree my little Gothlings?

Anyways. Hesitantly moving on.

This is the last one in his series. (thank god) but you know what they say: Save the best for last! So Poor Ryo had to suffer through drawing girls in whore-ish poses and skimpy outfits in order to build up to drawing this “masterpiece.” (More on this in a bit.)

 First, let’s look at the artist comments, shall we? But I won’t be bothering with the first paragraph since it’s a generic copy and paste job he did through his series and does nothing but highlight his laziness by A.) showing he can’t be bothered to re-explain things per picture and B.) remarks that while supposedly being a “summertime” series and even though he only did lineart and didn’t even have to take time to color or ink or anything, it still took him all the way to the middle of fucking NOVEMBER to finish a.... 6-7 picture series? GOOD LUCK WITH ART SCHOOL YOU’LL NEED IT. You’re expected to have fully sketched, inked and colored images done within a week or less, and no Ryo, LINED PAPER WON’T CUT IT IN ART SCHOOL. Better suck it up and fork over the fucking fortune of $15 to get a decent sketchbook.

 

Anyways, moving along to the rest of the artist comments.

“Lucky number 7 is Ryukenden Atrineas!”

Yeah, I feel blessed alright.

“Ryo's more the bodybuilder show type, but he's not gonna run around in those tiny things, so he takes the Arnold Schwarzenegger approach. A statement that says even a guy can feel good about his figure. Just as long as he has a reason to. But in addition to the swimwear, he has his old, classic shackle wristbands!”

First off, nice grammar in the first sentence. Secondly, Bodybuilder show type? The fuck does that even MEAN? Is he surrounded by invisible cameramen who are only begrudgingly there taking pictures of this horrible monstrosity in order to avoid a beheading order from him? I mean, the kind does look pissed. Or entitled. Or like he has to take a shit really bad. Jury’s still out.

Third, just what the fuck is the “Arnold Schwarzenegger” approach? Ryuu looks like he’s had 3 or 4 Schwarzenegger clones murdered, their skeletons stripped and had their muscles surgically implanted into his body. Make that 6 Schwarzenegger clones. Or 12. Yeah, 12.

Fourth, “A statement that says even a guy can feel good about his figure. Just as long as he has a reason to.” I have two issues with these two sentences. First of all, IT SHOULD BE ONE FUCKING SENTENCE. Secondly, “Just as long as he has a reason to”? The fuck kind of motivation is that? So if you’re not the size of a small minivan you SHOULDN’T feel good about your figure? This, coming from a guy who says he doesn’t like fat women?

YES. HE’S SAID THAT.

What about something like… Everyone should feel good about your figure, regardless of size? Or should I say regardless of Ryo getting a boner over it? Because so far, Ryo’s “feel good” attitude should only be felt if Ryo’s getting a boner over your figure. 

Just like he’s PROBABLY getting a boner over Ryuu’s figure.

 Also, Shackle bracelets? This is raising a red flag: Shackles are usually associated with prisons and bondage. So has Ryo just accidentally let out that he’s a fan of bondage and S&M? Well, the way he likes to dominate and overpower not just women but other men too, as Ryuu reflects in his many murderous rampages against everything and anything that proves to be even a tiny annoyance, along with the fact that he avoids anything sexual and therefor probably has only the VAGUEST idea of what bondage and S&M is (probably something along the lines of violently dominating anything weaker than you, hence why Ryuu’s the biggest fucking character in his whole roster who’s completely undefeatable) it’s quite likely he has.

Ryo probably uses this book as relationship advice.

Setting a red flag though, that Ryuu’s the one wearing the shackles, not someone like Zelda. Maybe it’s Ryo’s fantasy to dominate Ryuu, the undominateable?

 

On a final note on this paragraph, THANK FUCK Ryuu doesn’t run around in that! That’s probably the smartest decision on Ryo’s behalf, maybe the women of Hyrule will be spared for at least five seconds until they realize they’re existence is still only to serve him and slowly sink back into that deep dark depressing place.

I should also point out that out of all the “Last chance at summer” pictures he drew of his Zelda Rip-offs characters, Ryuu has the smallest bathingsuit.

… Yeah.

Ryuu the entire time he was drawing this picture. Jammies and all.

Moving on.

“He's on the wall near LonLon Ranch and the castle's in the background.”

… Really, Ryo? Really? You would have been better off trying to convince us that Ryuu ordered his peopleservants to build him a pool in the middle of Hyrule Field. First of all the wall surrounding Lon Lon ranch doesn’t have any square angles. Secondly, it’s a fuckload taller than that, unless the ranch is flooded. Honestly, that sounds like something Ryuu would do

“Hmm…. I desire a Swim-pool to swim in. Please fill up your ranch-stable with water so that I may swim in your  flooded ranch-stable!" -An Ignoramus

UNLESS YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT THIS WALL, RYO.

Yeah, he’s really specific.

In which case, why did you say it’s near Lon Lon Ranch? These walls are found NOWHERE NEAR Lon Lon Ranch as well, so it’s JUST A LITTLE CONFUSING. Secondly, your walls? Yeah they look nothing LIKE these. (Then again they look nothing like Lon Lon Ranch’s walls either. MY MISTAKE.) First there’s no texture on the wall. This texture isn’t EXACTLY the most difficult to draw seeing it’s completely 2D pasted onto a 3D model due to the limited graphical capabilities of the N64. But Ryo’s a lazy fuck, so he couldn’t be bothered anyways.

Secondly, IT’S PRETTY FUCKING TALL. JUST SAYING. The original wall was like what… a foot, two feet high? Did you intend to make it look like a giant honking wall or were you just too lazy to DRAW THE GROUND BENEATH THE WALL? But you drew the ground inside! HENCE WHY YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF SAYING IT’S A POOL.

Also, why is Ryuu there? Did you bother to tell the story? Is he there so Hyrule can gaze upon his sheer horrificness? Is he there silently looking at different towns and settlements in Hyrule and mentally telling himself that he owns all of it? Is he perving on Malon?

The only reason Ryo decided to draw this was so he his loyal, die-hard fans could have some fapping material eye candy fan service.

Moving on.

“After a while of not doing muscle art, I think this turned out pretty well. I hope you guys like it!” 

No. No we don’t like it. I feel like it’s raped my soul. 

Also, you think EVERYTHING you do turns out pretty well. Because you have an ego problem. And because you like having anatomically inaccurate buff men to masterbate over. Only people with Inflation fetishes don’t bother with anatomy lessons and give their characters however many fucking muscles as they want.

“I hope you all like this!”

 YOU JUST SAID THAT. WELCOME TO THE DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT PLEASE TAKE A NUMBER AND BE SEATED AFTER TAKING A NUMBER SIT DOWN.

“More swimwearers are to come, both girls and guys alike!”

 ….. This was his last one. And out of 7 pictures, only two were of men. (His fictional son being one of them, which was also made to be as faptastic anatomically incorrect as Ryuu was.) And they were both saved for last.

Yo dawg, we heard you like swimsuits...

Also, why the fuck does Ryuu give his son, whose full name is Raphael, a cutsey nickname like Raphy? Wouldn’t the cutsey nickname giving be for his mother, since Ryo’s so obsessed with gender roles that him doing anything remotely feminine would be completely unacceptable? Does he find his son adorable? In that way? Creepy as fuck. And Ryo’s hinted at incest before with his horrifying pictures that Cala pointed out.

We all love that angry squid.

Now I mentioned earlier how Ryo drew the women in his universe in very erm…. Suggestive poses. I think the best example of this would be his Zelda image.

“But Ebiurb Dere’nesds Deneinsian Rebwwwrb Waiy” you say, “isn’t this article about how obsessed with men Ryo is?” Well, my little Gothlings, yes, it is. I’d give you a gold star, but gold is for preps and Gansta rap fans. So here, have a Black☆Star!

He’s a bigger man than Ryo will ever be. We all love him, don’t lie.

Leaving that image there so when you see what Ryuu did to Queen Zelda, you can go back to it and try to make your soul laugh off what you just saw. You probably won’t. Your soul will probably be dead. But at least I tried.



THAT'S NOT SUGGESTIVE. THAT'S NOT SUGGESTIVE AT ALL.

God save the queen.

First off, Ryo, good job. Good job reducing the now-supposed-queen of Hyrule into a fucking harlot who rolls around in the castle courtyard wearing nothing except a skimpy bikini that looks more like underwear than something you’d swim in (SPOILER ALERT: WHICH HE ALSO RIPPED OFF FROM ANOTHER ARTIST) with her voyeur husband taking FUCKING PICTURES.

YES, I’M NOT GOING TO ELABORATE ON THE ARTIST COMMENTS OF THIS PICTURE BUT RYUU’S THE PHOTOGRAPHER APPARENTLY.

He also claims that the bows add “innocence.” Ryo, the VERY LAST WORD you should be using to describe this is INNOCENCE. It does not exist here. First off, her husband is taking suggestive photos of his wife in the MIDDLE OF THE CASTLE COURTYARD. THAT’S NOT PUBLIC BEHAVIOR, RYO, THAT’S BEDROOM BEHAVIOR. Secondly, she’s a mother, and her kids have access to the courtyard. Is this behavior something Queen Zelda would want her children seeing? Especially her young, impressionable daughter who thinks doing half-naked, sexy poses in front of a camera in public is okay as long as the guy behind the camera says he “loves you”? I can see her becoming an inadvertent porn star at the age of 16 when she strips for the wrong sweet-talking guy. Because it was okay, mommy was doing it with Daddy in the courtyard!!

Finally, LOOK AT ZELDA’S POSE, RYO. THAT’S NOT AN INNOCENT, PLAYFUL POSE. THAT IS A “FUCK ME” POSE. And not “Fuck me” in the sense of how the ever-entertaining Chef Gordon Ramsay yells it when he gets a raw beef wellington for the THIRD TIME THIS DINNER SERVICE!!!

OH COME ON, YOU FUCKING DONKEY!! BOLLOCKS!!! YOU, YOU, YOU AND YOU, GET OUT!!!

So basically, in Ryo’s world, women who supposedly have power (Ryuu wouldn’t be fucking king were it not for her) are reduced to fapping material. And even when this is supposedly a fanservice picture of Zelda? Ryuu is still there. He’s the camera man. He’s the one taking photos and pasting them on the internet for all to see.

So what’s the message of this image? “Women of Hyrule? Ryuu’s always there, and he GETS what he WANTS, no matter who or what you are.”

What’s the subliminal message of this image? “Muscley men Women of Earth? Ryo’s there, and he GETS what he WANTS, no matter who or what you are.”

What I meant to say was... GOD exists... And he is American.

Now, if you begin to feel an intense and crushing feeling of religious terror at the concept… Don’t be alarmed. That indicates only that you are still sane...