My Inner Life: Author Notes

Le suilon.

As a note, this will be a long post, quoting a fairly large chunk of text.

I would like to start this post by telling any writers who post online with author notes what not to do when writing said notes.

Do not:

1. Have an author note longer than your first chapter
2. Use 4-11 exclamation points when trying to emphasize your point
3. Be painfully redundant
4. Have huge blocks of paragraphs in all-caps
5. Forget to proof read
6. Do all of the above while whining and then call your critics immature

I decided I couldn't say our blog mocks writing without covering My Inner Life. It is one of the most insane things I've ever tried to read and I've developed what is almost assuredly an unhealthy fascination with trying to fix it.

I will be going over the whole fic with Dr. Whatsisbucket, but I decided to be nice and do the Author's Note alone. Last time he tried to do it with me, he was possessed at least twice by a demon that danced jigs and chanted in backwards Pig-Latin.

I won't be doing the spelling and grammar mistakes because, to be quite honest, I tried doing that, before, and it would honestly take hours and a lot of editing to do. I do not want to waste that much time on this.

For those who don't know, words don't do it justice. This author's note will serve to be a better prelude than I could give.

Disclaimer: My Inner Life was written by Link's Queen. It has long been abandoned, to my knowledge, though I'm sure no one would want to claim this.

Author’s notes: Hello. Thanks for choosing to read my story. As you might know I have become a major Zelda fan in the last year. Ever since I played OoT I have grown a fond interest in Link. I started to notice that after I got really into it, I found that I have a strange gift. A gift to Lucid Dream. I started having dreams about Hyrule, and about Link. In a Lucid Dream you can control your dreams. The dreams became very real, kinda like a second life, and almost every night I would have another. Starting from where the last left off. Even to this day I still have them. I find that they help me get through life. I know this may sound queer, but for me the dreams sure help me out. I have shared this story with many other people and so far all has liked it. Now as you read this it is told from my perspective or first person view.

Here, I have to talk a bit about lucid dreaming - I'm sure most people are aware of what it is: being aware that one is dreaming and gaining some modicum of control. It is actually a skill that can be cultivated and it is something I have been practicing without much success.

I have had all of two lucid dreams in my life and one of them was by accident. The problem with lucid dreams, that I've found, is that awareness of dreaming actually causes a high frequency of waking up much earlier than one might have, otherwise.

I won't say she isn't telling the truth on this point, though I am naturally skeptical, because that's a pointless exercise. I can't know, either way, so I'm going to concede this, at least.

All that being said, that doesn't mean anyone should write their dreams down as stories without reworking them at least a little.

You will find that it is very detailed since I remember it all very clearly to this day. The story takes place after OoT. Nothing after that ever happens. No Majora's Mask. No LttP, or even Oracle of Ages and Seasons. And there is no love relation between Link and Zelda, Link and Ruto, Link and Malon or Link and Saria.

Ignoring all that nonsense about throwing out pairings just to avoid competition (note, too, that they're all female - probably because there's no way a person of the opposite sex could be homosexual or bisexual if you're attracted to him/her), please pay attention to the way she discards canon.

Majora's Mask takes place after Link is sent back to enjoy his childhood, so we can't have that. God forbid he actually enjoy seven years of his life before getting into a relationship. And despite the fact that A Link to the Past and Oracle of Ages/Seasons have completely different Links for their heroes, they don't happen, either.

It is fine to play around with canon, a little, but disregarding massive parts (like, entire games) that take part in different eras is a little much.

Because of my feelings about Link, the person that he gets involved with in this story is myself or actually is my persona. A persona is for those of you who need to know, a representation of ones personality, or in dictionary terms is, (Persona) n. In biology, same as person. So for all you future readers, this story is based on Jenna, a char that is a representation of my personality.

...

Just let me pull out one of my favorite dictionaries, here... (please make a note of it, because Oxford is a real dictionary. Dictionary.com is not)

persona (per·so·na)

Pronunciation:/pərˈsōnə/
noun
(plural -so·nas or -so·nae /-ˈsōnē/)

       * the aspect of someone's character that is presented to or perceived by others:.
               her public persona
       In psychology, often contrasted with anima
       * a role or character adopted by an author or an actor

I don't think I've ever heard the usage of "same as a person." If there was no difference between persona and person, I don't think the word would exist.

But if you think this might be too queer then you shouldn't read this. THIS IS NOT THE TYPE OF STORY FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DISLIKE, OR CANNOT HANDLE SUCH MATERAL AS THE CONTEXT OF THIS STORY.

Well, maybe it's not the queer content but the bad content that bothers them. I mean, if you just said, "This story is awful and only consists of my fangirl wetdream journal. Don't read it," then you'd probably deter more readers.

But if you seriously believe you can handle the content of this story, then read on. If your squeamish about sex, then you should not read this, since this story is a REAL LEMON

and there is a lot of that, heavily detailed. (Between Link and I that is) Especially during the bonding ceremony. There is also some blood content and strong adult language. So if that’s too much then you should turn back now.

Now I have not finished it as of yet. I have to catch up, since the last dream I had was just after Link and I had the blessing ceremony for our twins.(Our 3rd and 4th kids) Right now there is about 100-150 pgs worth. I'm expecting it to reach at least 300-350 probably even more. I will try to up date as often as possible. I hope that some of you like this. I do not mind sharing it. But please understand that this is very PRECIOUS to me, as well as Link. So like I said, if the content of this story sounds, too queer to you, TURN BACK NOW!

"And never come back!" ...sorry. Actually, no, I'm not.

I don't understand the compulsion of writing down dreams, exactly as they happen, and posting them as stories. I've written my dreams down, before. I'd never think of actually showing them to any stranger on the Internet, or any stranger at all, for that matter.

Drawing inspiration from dreams is a better idea and doesn't inhibit the writer from changing something that doesn't make logical sense.

Also, don't post private, personal things on the Internet as stories, if you don't want them to be criticized. Not everyone on the Internet is super friendly.

But to all who wish to continue, happy reading. Thanks,
~*~ Link’s Queen ~*~

Okay, so that wasn't so bad. I mean, it was a bit long and already shows disregard for canon while being overbearing on readers, but --- oh god, it's not over.

Rated R for strong adult language, sex, violence and blood content.
AGAIN AS A FINAL WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS HEAVY SEX, ABULT LANGUAGE AND TALKS ABOUT MY PERSONAL ENCOUNTER WITH LINK. THIS STORY IS BASED ON DREAMS, DREAMS ABOUT MY LIFE WITH HIM. IF YOU FIND THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY TO BE OFFENSEVE, QUEER, OR PLAIN OUT OFF THE WALL, THEN DO NOT READ ON!!!!!!!

*Is blown out of her chair* AGH!

*Pulls herself up and pulls exclamation marks out of her hair*

I HAVE GOTTEN WAY TO MANY FLAMES ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY WHEN I HAVE PLACED SEVERAL WARNINGS!!!! I WILL NOT ACCECPT ANY MORE FLAMES, RAMBLINGS, CUSSING OR EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT ABOUT THE CHAR JENNA, OR REVIEWS ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY, EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT, VICIOUS ATTACKS AGAINST MY PERSONALITY, OR NON-MATURE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM!!!

I'm sure you're fit to judge excessive lashing out and non-mature criticism. Wanna ease up on the capslock?

ANY REVIEWS SUBMITTED THAT DO NOT FOLLOW THE ABOUVE GUIDLINES, WILL BE DELETED IMMEDIATELY! THESE WARNINGS ARE NOT THERE TO LOOK PRETTY, THE AUTHORS PLACE WARNINGS FOR A REASON!!! IT IS TO TELL YOU WHAT THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS SO THAT IF THE READER FINDS THE CONTENT OF THE STORY OFFENSIVE, THEY WILL NOT READ ON!!!

Yeah, that's fine, but what if your story is just bad? Are you going to warn people your story is full of spelling errors, grammatical errors, redundant sentence structures, a meandering plot, and flat characters?

Are you going to warn people that "adult content" isn't just graphic sex, but excessive, pointless sex that go on longer than some chapters?

MANY AUTHORS HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT UNWANTED, EXCESSIVE, VIOLENT AND JUST PLAIN NASTY REVIEWS THAT HAVE BEEN SUBMITTED BY READERS ABOUT THEIR STORIES, CAUSING FANFICTION TO GRANT AUTHORS THE ABILITY TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS AND BLOCK CERTAIN READERS!! I WILL SAY THIS FOR MYSELF AND FOR ALL AUTHORS ON FANFICTION. NO AUTHOR TWISTS YOUR ARM OR HOLDS YOU AT GUN POINT OR FORCES YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM TO READ THEIR STORIES!!

No reviewer forces you in any way to read their reviews, either.

I doubt anyone hunted you down, kidnapped your family, and said, "NOW YOU WILL READ MY REVIEW, OR I SHALL DROP YOUR FAMILY INTO THIS VAT OF ACID."

Look, I can use all-caps, too!

LOUD NOISES VIA TEXT.

ALL READERS HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO READ A CERTAIN STORY!!! IT IS YOUR RESOPONSIBILITY TO READ THE WARNINGS AND DECIDE FOR YOUSELF IF THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU, AND TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO READ ON OR NOT!!! AND IT ALSO IS THE READERS RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ON HOW THEY HANDLE THENSELVES WHEN LEAVING A REVIEW FOR AN AUTHOR!!

IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, READERS.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, TODAY!

LEAVING A REVIEW THAT IS VIOLENT IN NATURE ONLY MAKES YOU THE READER LOOK BAD, AND IS VERY IMMATURE.

Writing paragraphs upon paragraphs of a rant, however, is completely mature.

IF ALL US HERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS, WELL THEN, LETS CONDUCTIVE OURSELVES LIKE ADULTS AND NOT LIKE LITTLE KIDS!

...on fanfiction.net? I always assume most people there are between the ages of 13-17.

ALSO, ADULTS ABUSE CAPSLOCK ALL THE TIME TO YELL AT YOU IMMATURE PEOPLE THROUGH THE INTERNET.

I ONLY EXPECT THE VIOLENT LASHING OUT AND VICIOUS ATTACKS TO COME FROM TEENANGERS, NOT ADULTS! IF YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE ADULTS THAT ARE CONDUCTING YOURSELVES IN THE MANORS I DECRIBED ABOVE, YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE SCARING ME!

Well, you're scaring me, so the feeling is mutual.

IT’S A DAMN SHAME TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE ADULTS OUT THERE WHO CANNOT CONDUCTIVE THEMSELVES IN THE SIMPLEST MANORS THEIR PARENTS HAVE TAUGHT THEM!

Your parents taught you to throw a loud fit when people thought your writing was bad?

ALSO LEAVING MALICIOUS REVIEWS IS ALSO A SIGN OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

While that may be true for some people, it is not true for everyone and you shouldn't presume about those people. Really, without seeing those reviews, I'm more willing to assume they weren't any more terrible than "You really suck stop writing forever."

IF ALL YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW DO IS ATTACK SOMEONE VICIOUSLY, IT’S A SIGN OF SELFISHNESS AND NO RESPECT FOR ONES-SELF! I SUGGEST TO ALL READERS WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A MALICIOUS REVIEW FOR ME, PLEASE GET A HOBBY AND LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER, BECAUSE YOUR ONLY HURTING YOURSELF, NOT ME! ALSO LEAVING A NASTY REVIEW ONLY MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID, NOT ME!

"I DON'T NEED HELP MAKING ME LOOK STUPID. AND I HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OF MY ANGER, WHICH IS WHY I AM PSEUDO-YELLING AT NO ONE IN PARTICULAR ON THE INTERNET."

I FIND IT VERY RIDICULOUS THAT I HAD TO LEAVE A WARNING THIS LONG, BUT IT IS BECAUSE OF THE VERY IMMATURE READERS THAT HAVE SUBMITTED NASTY CHILDISH REVIEWS!

Other people obviously made you do it, threatening to drop you in a vat of acid if you didn't post this ridiculous, redundant, and painful author note.

Obviously.

AGAIN, PLEASE READ THE ABOVE CONTEXT BEFORE READING ON!!!!

...no thanks.

Furthermore, I have realized that this story needs some heavy grammar corrections, and that the plot needs some work.

Yet, you will leave it up before even bothering to correct it, then later abandon the project and move on to your next favorite fandom.

Also under the advisement of my friend who had just recently completed two literature classes, has stated the reasons why people had classified Jenna as a “Mary Sue” char and labeled her as “flat”. She has come to the conclusion that most people do not know or understand Jenna’s history, so she has advised me to create an origin story to explain about her history before she met Link. That way she will become more rounded and give people a reason to care about her.

If her history only serves to make her more perfect and wonderful, then she'll still be a Mary Sue. Mary Sues are characters lacking in any notable flaws. Typically, any self-insert (which Jenna is) who serves the purpose of letting the writer fulfill fantasies (for which Jenna is) is a Sue.

If your character is just so super awesome special that the character over whom you are lusting almost immediately jumps into a relationship with her, then your character is a Sue.

The end.

It was never in my intentions to create Jenna as a “Mary Sue” char or to make her conceited, because I’m not really like that.

...does anyone intentionally create Mary Sues, outside of people satirizing them? And of course you didn't want to make her conceited - conceit is seen as a flaw. Sues don't have flaws.

Jenna is a persona char, one that resembles my personality while this story is being told from her perspective.

And this means she is totally not a Sue ever, ever.

This story is not something that I pulled out of my head like my drawings, it came from my dreams.

Her dreams come from a cookie tin in the pantry.

So I understand that revising this story is going to be hard work and will take time. Since this story is being told in the exact, or close to exact order it happened in the dreams, changing how fast Link and Jenna marry isn’t going to be easy. Even changing how fast they have sex and revising the Lemon parts also won’t be so easy to do.

"Because of all this, I won't do it. I'll only talk a lot about it."

No, seriously - does it really need to happen exactly as it did in your dreams? If it does, keep a dream journal. And don't use ff.net AS a dream journal.

But I’m currently in the process of revising this story, also I have received a college grammar book from my friend and I will be investing in a Beta-Reader. I’m also considering taking to literature classes at JC to help boost my writing skills. But now I say this, if you people, the reviewers really have the intentions to help me, them please do it positively and like a mature adult.

Do as she says, not as she does.

I’m telling you that it is a proven fact that negative motivation NEVER motivates someone to change. It never has and it never will. I’m pretty sure your parents have taught you that people only respond to positive motivation and not negative.

My parents punished me when I misbehaved. I stopped misbehaving.

IT IS A PROVEN FACT THAT I WAS NOT MOTIVATED TO DO BETTER BECAUSE OF MY DESIRE TO AVOID PUNISHMENT. SHUT UP, IT IS. I SAY ITS A FACT.

I’m not close-minded, I NEVER have been. I have always been open to other people’s thoughts and opinions, its when its done in an inappropriate manner that I turn my nose at it and look away. People have to understand that when you’re an adult, you need to conduct yourself like one and learn how to address other people like one.

This is conducted by yelling at people on the Internet for not liking your stories.

You cannot just act childish when you come across something that you DO NOT approve of,

*She-Elf's internal irony meter breaks* OW! MY BRAIN! *Falls over*

you’re only making yourself look bad and that can affect you later on in life.

*Broken irony meter sputters*

AGH. It hurts. My kingdom for a healing potion!

Acting childish and ranting and raving is something I’d expect a little kid would do when he doesn’t get his way. When an adult acts childish over stupid things, that’s looked down upon, and considered to be unhealthy.

*Broken irony meter starts spazzing. The She-Elf feebly points upward at the wall of allcaps rant*

I have seen far too many reviews left for me where the reviewers are just ranting and raving like little kids over this story because they do not like it. It is only making them look stupid and is very unhealthy. I fear that these people have some serious emotional problems if they get that upset over a story. People in control of their emotions and have also obtained some sort of common sense, NEVER let little things get them all riled up.

*Irony meter dies*

...I wonder if I should be worried more at the numbness, instead of the pain...

*Pulls herself back into the chair*

It is very sad when one that is supposed to be an adult, cannot handle them like one. I was NEVER angry with the reviewers not liking the story, it’s how they handled themselves when leaving me the reviews. Getting riled up, ranting and raving, screaming and spitting nails over this story is what has caused me to get upset, not the fact that they didn’t like it.

See, I would take you more seriously, if you hadn't gone on an allcaps rant. I do this because I like Mystery Science Theater 3000. I'm afraid that you're actually serious.

Also as a side note, I NEVER physically hurt ANYONE with this story.

I beg to differ.

I got one reviewer that said. “Oh God please stop writing, your hurting everyone.” Now I want to know where I physically touched that person.

Because the only pain is clearly physical. I'm not saying there's actual pain involved, here, but implying that I have to be stabbed to be in pain is a little stupid.

I want to know how I’m twisting anyone’s arms to read this. I have never done anything of the sort in any way, shape or form and I DO NOT appreciate being accused of that! If you’re emotionally hurt over this, its your fault not mine.

Because it's not your fault if you call people you think have low self-esteem immature, selfish, and so on. They obviously made you insult them so to injure their already low self-esteems so they could enjoy the sweet pain of verbal abuse.

I’m sorry if it did, but I have placed several warnings describing the content of this story and if you know what it contains and you do not like this type of material, then why are you reading it? I do not appreciate getting accused for other people’s actions. It is your choice as the reader to read the content of this story and it is not my fault if it upsets you when you knew from the gecko what it contained. So please DO NOT flame me about it.
I also feel like a schoolteacher teaching a bunch of little kids. And I find that this really wasn’t necessary and shouldn’t have had to come to this, but it is very hard when your reviewers have forgotten how to conduct themselves like adults.

I'm sick of repeating my previous jokes and points. So, have some kittens on a roomba.

If you honestly think that being malicious is a good thing and that you’re not wrong in doing so, well then your blinded by your own selfish pride. People with common sense learn how to take responsibility for themselves and are able to admit when their wrong.

Their wrong what?

Or did you forget that "their" is possessive and takes an object while "they're" means "they are"?

I have found that many of the reviewers that have left me malicious reviews honestly believe that its appropriate behavior for an adult.

A theorized example of the reviews Link's Queen received:

"DEAR COCKFLUTE:

I AM OFFENDED BY THE CONTENT OF YOUR STORY. IT IS TERRIBLE AND IT MADE MY LUNGS EXPLODE. STOP WRITING OR I WILL DROP YOU, YOUR FAMILY, AND THE WORLD IN A VAT OF ACID.

I AM TWENTY FIVE AND I BELIEVE IT IS MY RIGHT TO THREATEN PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET. THIS IS CLEARLY APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR FOR ADULTS AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME AS BELIEVING THAT IN EIGHT PAGES OF RANTING.

SINCERELY,
AN EGOMANIAC FULL OF SELFISH PRIDE WHO IS OBVIOUSLY AN ADULT ON FANFICTION.NET"

When it really is that they are too self-absorbed in themselves to admit their wrong. Again that results from selfish pride. One to scared to admit in front of others that they just might be wrong.

Where are you getting this? Psychology 101 For The Overassuming Crazy Person?

Also, how can any of you hold any right to call Jenna conceited when in reality, your contradicting yourself by being conceited as well? Being conceited is again selfish pride and being self-absorbed.

...what? Y- Bu-...

And now for something that makes more sense than Link's Queen.

And yes, it is and always will be a fact that most of the reviewers have been conceited and very contradictive. Please DO NOT leave me a review that only contradicts what you are trying to preach. You should in reality, take your own advice.

Speaking of taking your own advice, do you plan on removing your insane rant and conducting yourself like an adult?

(The answer is no.)

Again I find it very ridiculous that this had to be as long as it is,

So do we. Do I have time for a "Get on with it" gag? I think I do.

but it is due to the fact that people not conducting themselves appropriately. Also if I do receive any more malicious reviews, with screaming, spitting nails or ranting and raving over this story because you do not like it then are to self-absorbed to admit that acting like that is wrong, well then you have proven my point! All of this is very self-explanatory!

Which is why you had to "explain" it for eleven hours.

Now PLEASE DO NOT READ ON if you DO NOT plan on leaving me a review appropriately!

Total Word Count: 2,204

I look at this, and I can only think "WHY?" Why would you write this? It's badly written, overly sensitive, and overly aggressive. This sort of aggression trying to make "malicious comments" stop is actually more likely to do the opposite.

Keep that in mind, sane writers: writing long, aggressive author notes trying to get negative reviews to stop rarely stops those negative reviews. Take the criticism, throw out the negativity. I'm not saying "don't get bothered," because some people DO take it too far (delete or flag those, depending on the site you post your material on). However, throwing a fit online really won't fix anything for a number of reasons.

Finally, don't post your wet dreams as fan fiction on the Internet. It really isn't a good idea, as you'll see reading this story.

Namárië.