It was a beautiful winter morning in my neck of the woods. There was a couple inches of snow on the ground, you could see all the squirrels running around in my backyard, the birds were eating at our bird feeder...

So thanks for ruining that for me with 'Walk With Me', Ryuu, you fucking pompous DICK.

If you feel up to it, scroll straight down to the bottom of the post and click the first link. Ideally, when you aren't eating or drinking something, as there is so much wrong with that fucking thing I don't know where the hell to start. So I'll start with Serenity, who I frankly hate.

Personality wise, I know the Phantom Snarker who caused Ryuu to throw a hissy and take down the forum already covered that. But I'm gonna cover that again because I don't appreciate squick on that scale and on top of that, I'm a rather vindictive son of a bitch. If I make LZ cry, I find I don't really care.

Serenity is supposed to be the purest of the goddamn pure. She's innocent and loving and fucking slap happy all the damn time.

In practice, she comes across as developmentally disabled. As a child or a teen, it doesn't matter. End result is the same. I can't think of any teenage girl who'd nickname their love interest 'Cesilly' because 'Cecil was being silly' who didn't have a developmental disability. Even if you shorten it to 'Illy' that doesn't make her seem any less disabled. It's pretty painfully obvious that there is no way in hell a typically developing teenage girl would act like that. Even a naive or stupid one. I also feel obligated to apologize to people with developmental disabilities for having to mention them in the same sentence as this thing.

(On an unrelated note, Cesilly is also a terrible play on words. And I'm guessing LZ is unaware of this but Cecily is a goddamn girls name.)

Even ignoring that, you have a teenage girl who's obsessed with and absolutely worships her father, and he's borderline obsessed with her. There's being close to your father and then there's taking his every word as gospel and basically worshiping the ground he walks on. You can also see in that particular picture that Ryuu drew a heart over Serenity's head before erasing it.

I don't know why. The musical notes don't help anything. You may as well have just left it as it's not like it'll make it any worse.

Making things worse, LZ left a comment saying it reminded her of a previous picture which involved kiddie-Serenity nuzzling Ryo's hand. A touch creepy, but not like this. A snippet sans kissyface and fucking cheesy nicknames:

It kinda gives me the same vibe as Market Town Fun, do you remember that one? Just as cute but Reenie's a bit older now.

I included the link to Market Town Fun. Ryo is walking through Hyrule Castle Town holding a giant wallet, has kiddie-Serenity hanging off his free hand, is missing his shirt and basically looks like a pimp prostituting a kid. Fuckin' creepy. That isn't the vibe I'd want a picture of mine to have.

Ryuu's reply? Creeped me the holy hell out, and I didn't think it could GET worse at this point. Snippet cutting out more of their their revolting kissyface and Ryuu's idiotic abuse of emoticons is used here; full quotes as always can be found at the end of the post:

I do remember that one! I really love it, showing Lil' Renny nuzzling Ryo's hand And he had to hold hid [sic] hand down for her to do that! She's bigger now But he [sic] admiration has only gotten stronger, mm?

I feel obligated to first point out Ryuu's giant Freudian slip there. Serenity is a he? And here I thought crossdressers, because they're ALL those damn gays and never straight men, creeped him out.

Sarcasm aside (for the moment), I don't consider a teenage girl staring at her dad with the most sappy possible expression (like, 'freshman in high school staring adoringly at her starting quarterback boyfriend, who's also a senior' sappy) admiration. I consider that SERIOUSLY FUCKING CREEPY. I don't know WHAT the hell Ryuu's family life is like if he considers that normal and frankly, I don't want to.

The expression? Made several times creepier by the fact that Serenity in all her massively ditzy Sueness innocent purity is allowed out in clothes that no father would let their daughter wear without a fight, especially not a king. I'm no royal but if I insisted on wearing that short of a skirt and stripper boots out of the house in my teens, my father would've had an aneurysm, grounded me for a month and confiscated several things of value. Hell, I think Daddy Calamareye'd have a stroke if I tried that now, because he's a responsible and concerned father. Not a damn creeper.

Sadly, the breaking of the Incest-o-Meter is the least of the issues here. The description on this piece of shit is really not helping.

Breakin' it into two pieces for ranting's sake. First half:

"Walk with me, my dear Serenity. Stay close to your father's path. I will lead you through the fields where the sun shines bright and all is calm. I will be with you. Should the path be smooth and the way is calm, take my hand and rejoice with me, I will be with you. Should the terrain be rough and the rock give way to threaten your walk, take my hand and steady yourself on me, I will be with you. For in the paths of smooth dirt or rugged stone, we have never left the fields where the sun shines bright and all is calm. I will be with you; I am with you."

Holy crap, this sounds like the shit you'd find in Christian devotionals. Mama Calamareye is a very devout Christian and being the nosy squid bastard that I am I've leafed through some of her devotionals and such. This sounds like that Footprints story, or some other parable you'd find in one of those Christian magazines. All I can draw from that? 'Holy fuck, Ryuu. Unwarranted self-importance much?'

It seriously sounds like he's comparing Ryo to god. And I'm admittedly not a very worshipful squid, but I was raised Christian. According to what I remember from church, Big G's not really fond of that sort of thing. At all. I think this technically may even violate the commandment about 'having no other gods before me'... I know it's a definite case of pride. And a lot of it.

Onto the second piece. Can't be worse, right?:

Here to begin the new year, I have King Ryo and Princess Renny having some quality Father/Daughter time! We're all being led into a new year, symbolized by Ryo leading Renny along, and she adores her dad and trusts him with all her heart, so she follows him and as long as she keeps her hand in his, she knows she's safe to the utmost degree. ^^

Okay, I was wrong. Yet again. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to puke. Everywhere. I'm seriously not sure if that could possibly be any cheesier. Eurgh.

Now that I'm done vomiting everything I've ever eaten, this half gets dissected too.

Your allegories suck, dickhole. Not all of us need someone to hold our hands as time passes. I for one am glad 2011's over, and enter 2012 with hope and my head held high. I don't know anyone, even little kids, who are afraid of the new year.

(I'm sure there's a couple people who've been badly misinformed about the Mayan calendar ending and are terrified but I'm not really counting them.)

And this, yet again, cycles back to the fact that this is the world's most helpless teenage girl. Seriously. If you're in your teens (I don't know how old teenage-Serenity is and I don't care enough to look it up) you should be able to go for a fucking walk without Daddy holding your hand. I don't know any teenage girl without (again) severe psychological problems who needs to feel safe all the damn time; if anything, that's the age where kids start to rebel. 'TEENAGE REBELLION? OH, NO, NOT FOR SERENITY, QUEEN OF ALL MARY DAMN SUES!' Good lord, she's so fucking boring some teenage rebellion might be what she needs.

Also, the look on Serenity's face brings up the rather worrying question of 'what sort of father/daughter quality time are we talking about here?', as the incest urges seem to be mutual. My idea of father/daughter quality time is going to the bookstore or something with the old man. I don't think that's what those two have in mind, unless 'going to the bookstore' is a euphemism for something else altogether.

As I was finishing this all up, Ryuu kindly posted another image that's somewhat less squicky but still definitely triggers the creep-o-dar. I'm gonna rip that thing apart later, as this thing is long enough on its own.

Hey, Ryuu. Congrats, dickhole. You spawned a 'Squick' tag.

May wanna take a good long look at why you 1.) view this sort of relationship as normal and 2.) have every female character you've stolen, ripped off and pilfered created appear totally helpless and dependent on her father/brother/freaky pet monster, you fucking prick.

Happy new year, Ryuu. I'd hope this'd be the year you'd change some of your bigoted bullshit but I'm not silly enough to get my hopes up anymore.

Sources:
Walk With Me in its squicky radiance: Incest Incest everywhere!
Market Town Fun: Or As I insist on calling it, Underage Squick
For Cecil's fucking nickname: Dunno how he fell in love with someone that dumb. LOGIC? WHAT'S THAT?
For the comments of incest-squared: Warning: contains cheeseball mushy EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW WE'RE IN LURV bullcrap