Coming Out Part Deux: Sticking It To the People Who Want You To Die

Okay.

When LGBT people come out, whether on National Coming Out Day or otherwise, and whether to the public or just a handful of individuals, it's always a brave act in some respect or another, because there's always at least a little risk involved in coming out. The risks involved vary, depending on things like the age of the person and/or their peers, where they live, whether they directly depend on other people financially, whether there are anti-discrimination ordinances in place, etc. Even when all these things are most ideal, there is still risk. I mentioned that now is a better time for me to come out than it would've been ten years ago.

Why?

Three words: “bigotry” and “high school”.

In the US, kids who come out as LGBT while they're still in school have to deal with a lot of shit. In 2009, it was found that 9 out of 10 LGBT students experienced harassment at school because they were LGBT, ranging from exposure to frequent homophobic/transphobic language (7 out of 10) to physical assault (almost 2 out of 10). Many times, the school faculty don't do anything about it, even if it's reported, and sometimes even when sexual orientation or gender identity are listed as protected classes in the schools' anti-discrimination policies. Sometimes they take part in it.

Of course, coming out has positive repercussions as well as negative ones, and the increased wellness and self-esteem that the She-Elf mentioned in her last article remain true for students as well as adults who choose not to hide their sexual orientation or gender identity, even if incidents of harassment increase with it. It helps that in better scenarios, these kids have a support group they can turn to, whether friends or family, school faculty, state or national organizations, or student-run groups such as a Gay-Straight Alliance.

But even with this support, these kids still have to deal with bigotry against them just because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. From their fellow students, from faculty and staff, from the government, from religious institutions – people who want to force the LGBT back into the closet so that they won't have to be reminded that there are people out there who aren't heteronormative. Sometimes with lethal consequences.

Within the last month alone, eleven teenagers killed themselves as a result of bullying, harassment, and discrimination because of their gender identity or sexual orientation. On September 13th, Cody Walker, then Billy Lucas on the 14th. Then came Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Tyler Clementi, and Raymond Chase on the 28th and 29th (as well as Tyler Wilson who is still alive and well, but had his arm broken by bullies because he joined the cheerleading squad, an act that isn't LGBT per se, but certainly defies gender norms enough to enrage some bigoted bullies).

I hoped October meant things would be better, but then came Jeanine Blanchette and Chantal Dube, who died together on October 4th, Zach Harington on the 10th, and Ayishia Hassan only yesterday, as well as the report about Chloey Lacey.

And those are just the victims that were reported in two news blogs. How many more are there out there? How many more tomorrow?

The National Center for Transgender Equality, along with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force recently released this year's National Transgender Discrimination Survey, which showed that despite a national average of attempted suicides of 1.6%, attempted suicide rates of transgender students was at 41%. Half of transgender kids attempted suicide when they experienced harassment at school, as well as “...59 percent for those harassed or bullied by teachers, 76 percent among those who were physically assaulted by teachers and 69 percent among those who were sexually assaulted by teachers.”

And the bigots aren't sorry. Not one little iota. They pretend to be sorry, but then turn around and blame the victims, or blame gay people. These are the same people who claim that hate crimes laws discriminate against their religion. These are the same people who are against anti-bullying ordinances that include LGBT students, because they claim it “pushes the homosexual agenda”. These are the same people who claim that the high rates of suicides is “proof” that “homosexuality” needs to be regulated.

No, you morons. They wouldn't be dead if you people weren't telling them that they are inherently bad because of who they are. They wouldn't be dead if you weren't encouraging your kids to bully LGBT kids by treating them like inhuman monsters.

This is why I get so upset when idiots like Ryuu think their homophobia is excusable because they don't go out and punch gay people. They're ignorant, whether deliberately or otherwise, of the harm they do to people just by contributing to the toxic environment that leads to children feeling disgusting and unwanted, and getting bullied until they don't want to live anymore.



The plan, of course, is to try and force LGBT people into hiding away, or of disappearing (figuratively or literally -- they don't give a shit either way), because when you have to hide, you can't fight back. There's no pride in the closet, and without pride, there is less incentive to fight back against people who oppress you. Worse, that shame can be used as a weapon. How many people are apathetic to, or work against, LGBT causes out of fear that they'll be perceived as gay by association?

This is why people need to come out. Because they feel better about themselves. Because they can look around and see others like themselves, and know that they aren't abnormal, or wrong, or sick, or alone. Because there's pride in living true to yourself. Because there's pride in knowing that no matter what the bigots say, you are being true to yourself and living your life according to your own terms. Because they can't blackmail you with information that you give away willingly. Because it exposes the deadly reality of homopobic and transphobic bigotry.

And because when bigots find out that their sister or brother, or mother or father, or son or daughter, or uncle, or coworker, or teacher, or student, or boss is gay, bisexual, or transgender, they realize the people they hate are also the people they love, or people they deal with on a regular basis, and they see the results of their bigotry first hand. Many bigots become a little less bigoted as a result.

Tolerance toward LGBT people is growing in America, and it's due, in part, to the growing number of us who let the world know that we exist.

And for those kids who still have to deal with hatred and violence encouraged by bigoted adults, it gets better.

It really does.