So! Ryuu complains because a lot of the pictures we critiqued in the past were older pictures, even though he hasn't really improved much since then. Well, then here's one that he uploaded a few hours ago, as of this writing.
Some days I can tolerate his shenanigans, and then some days I just want to get out a fat red marker and point out everything that's wrong with his stuff. Because he gets so much fekkin' praise for making the same elementary mistakes over and over and over and over again, and doesn't seem to give a damn about making it any better.
I suppose it's appropriate to ask why he should improve. He gets so much fekkin' praise for it, after all, so why should he go to the effort to get better? I dunno, maybe because he's supposed to be an artist and improvement is what artists do? Then again, I guess it isn't any of my business if he wants to continue to draw like a sixteen-year-old when he's well into his twenties. It must feel really satisfying, impressing teenagers with the same half-assed doodles of rip-off characters on lined paper, day after day.
Well, nothing encourages a want to improve like pointing out how ridiculous everything is. And I'm here to put the 'ridicule' in 'ridiculous', because that's what I do.
Ohhh-kay. So what's wrong with Ryuu's picture?
How about damned near everything that isn't tits and come-hither looks?
Oh yeah. That feels better. Very cathartic. Maybe I'll make this a regular thing. Or maybe not. It's hard telling anymore. Anyway...
"The CotT cast is going to have their swimsuits on. But there's more to these pictures than just bikini wearing women or shorts wearing men. You can get those anywhere, I figure.
It's funny he says this, because the picture not only looks like every other cheesecake shot in the history of EVER (except maybe a little blander than some), it doesn't look any different from the pictures already swamping his gallery. Chick standing in an awkward pose, dead center in the composition, with a sloppy, half-assed background and those horrible pointy toes of Ryuu's that I hate so much. There's nothing distinct about this whatsoever. Nothing exciting -- no, not even the ponytail chick with the dislocated hips and the sticky fingers. Seriously, are there no noseeums in Hyrule?
Obviously, there doesn't have to be much style or thought put into cheesecake, because stimulating the intellect isn't the point. But god damn, Ryuu, if you're going to brag about how incredibly original and special your cheesecake is, maybe you should make some effort to actually make it distinct. Maybe look at some real cheesecake and see what makes it varied and interesting and apply it to your own art.
You know, if you don't want to come off looking like a tool.
Here, their swimsuits are designed in a way that also says something about the character his/herself. The style of the form and pattern will portray something that's true to the wearer, thus no two swimsuits will be the same!
And what does Eye's swimsuit say about her? That she's a Sheikah! Because she has straps! Straps straps straps straps straps.
Straps everywhere! Teeny little straps, all wrapped up in awkward places, for no god damned reason. Even on her one-piece. Because Sheikah wear straps, you know. That's just what Sheikah do.
Oh, and there's a religious symbol on the tit of her BATHING SUIT, because that's not disrespectful or blasphemous at all. I wonder how many Christians run around with crucifixes appliquéd on the asses of their swim trunks, encouraging the eye to look at wholesome and godly sexual parts.
I'll tell you how many: not very god damn many.
Overall, simple and straight to the point; comfortable while still a tease to onlookers.
Yeah, comfortable. I wonder if Ryuu has ever had to swim with little straps of cloth tied around inexplicable places. Particularly because wet cloth tends to swell and get heavy and fall off, if if it doesn't get really snug because of... you know, swelling with absorbed water. Not to mention it gets rather clammy on warm days, and stiffens up when it dries. And unless it's immodest to show one's ankles while simultaneously displaying their freshly-waxed bikini line, there's nothing coy about STRAPS AROUND YOUR WRISTS AND ANKLES. And your hair... which tends to tangle in the water. You idiot.
Unusual, yet not flashy, for no one is to suspect when a ninja is around to strike.
In her fucking bathing suit.
Something else about ninjas: they tend to not wear ridiculous accessories that serve no other purpose than to titillate fanboys with no taste in good porn, who want to impress their high-school friends with how clever they are for putting straps on a Sheikah.
And as an accessory, she has an ice cream pop.
And what does this tell us about Eye? Absolutely nothing. Except that she's too dumb to know how to properly hold ice cream on a stick. That's the only bit of information I can glean out of her backwards-fisted, melting dessert treat. Maybe she likes wasps and biting flies, too. I guess there's that.
My one concern is the background. I know in OoT, Lake Hylia was surrounded by some kind of wall, but I don't recall what it was made out of. I just remember it was brown. So, I did the wall to best of my memory, but ignore it at will.
Ohh, Ryuu... That wall is the least of your problems. And for the record: telling me to ignore the background doesn't mean I'm going to, or that I'm even obligated to. In fact, ignoring it is probably the worst thing that I could possibly do, because it means you can get away with it and not have to worry about how distractingly shitty it is, and never strive to improve on it. Hell no, the ignoring stops now.
PERSPECTIVE.
You need perspective -- in a lot of places, but for the moment, I'm just talking about the background. It's not hard to draw a little grid, there, and make sure that you're not building Legoland models and six-inch docks for toy sailboats, and turning acres and acres of lake into a little goldfish pond. Seriously, it's silly; imagine Eye turning around and walking toward that dock.
And that tree.
What the hell is up with that tree? It's made of whale flukes and slugs and tentacle branches. That branch up top is especially confusing; I seriously spent several minutes thinking that branch was actually smoke drifting out from behind the fence. For one thing, it touches the fence itself -- which obliterates the perspective even more -- but for another, BRANCHES DON'T WORK LIKE THAT. Not even dead branches.
Seriously, WTF.
And even though you said that you couldn't remember what the fence was built like, and so you weren't sure of how accurate it was, you still fucking half-assed it. That's no excuse, ever. That's just laziness and apathy. If you're going to make a mistake, then at least make it well. You don't have to know exactly what shape and color the fence was in order to realize that a bunch of random floating lines and a jaggy little sawblade shape on top is ugly and lazy. You don't have to know how tall or how wide the bits of fencepost are in order to draw them as actual pieces of functional fence, instead of just some flat, iconic symbols that look really fake. You might as well have drawn an arrow pointing to it with the word "fence" written next to it, because that's pretty much what you did.
That's kindergarten stuff, Ryuu. Are you in kindergarten?
Oh, and don't cry about how you never went to art school, and so you can't possibly know this stuff. There's nothing magical about going to art school. It's not a secret society where you learn the secret tricks of the masters and gain super special art abilities that will make you PHENOMENAL ARTIST BLACKBELT OF THE SECOND DEGREE. It's called sitting down and doing the research and practicing.
You know, the stuff that you're too lazy and up in your own ego to bother with.
And I know this is the case, because you completely ignore sound advice when it means that you can't just whip out a DeviantArt tutorial and copy it for instant success. You claim you want to improve, but aren't privileged enough to get the knowledge, but the truth of the matter is that you don't want to go to the effort. And it shows. It shows aaaaall over your gallery.
Think I'm wrong? Then prove it. Prove me wrong. Do the effort and grow up beyond making sixteen-year-old fanboys hot in their pants.
Or don't. It's your call.
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